Aum Namah Sivaya. Welcome to Earth Leili; you are one of the few fortunate blessed souls, giving milk for Siva Puja and milk to the monks; doing only good karma in this birth and receiving only the returning good karma.
The soul body plus the essence of the soul, Parashakti and Parasiva, together equals the totality of the soul. The essence of the soul is being Siva and the soul body is becoming Siva. The soul body is maturing, growing. We suffer until we learn to control our body, mind and emotions achieving imperturbability even if we find out the world is going to end tomorrow. Calmness is a platform for meditation.