Over the weekend and into next week we are going to think about affection, the third character trait in our Character Building Workbook Series.
affection | əˈfekSH(ə)n |
1 a gentle feeling of fondness or liking
• physical expressions of affection
• a mental state; an emotion.
Synonyms: fondness, love, liking, tenderness, warmth, devotion, endearment, care, caring, attachment, friendship
Expressing affection is not something that comes naturally to everyone. Whether we are too young and lack experience or emotional trauma in our past has blocked our ability or desire to show affection, most of us have to work on our affectionate nature and learn how to express it in a healthy way.
Showing affection does not have to include hugging every person you meet (that might not work well). Instead, try expressing this loving trait with understanding and practicing empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathy will naturally lead us into affection and care since we can start to relate to another person, their current problems or their perspective on a given subject. Essentially, when we empathize we open up and begin to trust others. Feeling vulnerable with openness and having trust issues might be a signpost that we need to resolve something in our past.
Try to resolve past issues by writing them down on paper and burning the paper in a safe area using a metal trash can or cement fire pit. Gurudeva’s Vasana Daha Tantra is meant for anyone needing to release the sticky negative emotion that lingers in the sub of the subconscious mind.
An endearing or affectionate nature requires balance, and with training affection can be turned on when needed and muted when that is more appropriate. Sometimes the most effective way to show affection is just by smiling. Go ahead and start with family and friends, as that will be the easiest way to determine if you have a strong bond of closeness and understanding with people you were raised with. Spend quality time with family when you don’t have to, read body language to assess when someone is needing more affection and express love by offering to support their endeavors.
“You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.” Anatole France
Observe your state of mind around others. Do you reach actual eye contact during a conversation? Or are you multi-tasking and looking at your phone? Give the person speaking your full attention and give them what’s called psychological air. In this simple act you are saying with your body language, “You matter to me.” They can relax around you because they know you care about what they are going through and that you will love them, not judge them. Sometimes in a stressful situation that’s all people are looking for. Once we feel that we matter to someone else, we can release a great deal of tension and let down barriers of anxiety and finally relax around people we care about—it’s not always enough to know affection is already there, we need to express it.
*On an admin note, we are currently having trouble with the blog’s commenting system and everything should be running smoothly in a few days.