Gurudeva counsels a cyber-space admirer who asks about exactly how to implement the ideal of forgiving inwardly at once insults and injuries received, but outwardly only when the transgressor reconciles and apologizes. Gurudeva advises to stand up strong and sure and bring it all out into the open so that it may be resolved. Don't just ignore your family forever, Gurudeva says.
The question from the cyberspace devotee is that there is a sutra in the Nandinatha Sutras, saying that "Saivite monastic can take any kind of verbal, or emotional, physical abuse and forgive inwardly." The devotee goes on to say that he has taken a lot of physical and emotional as well as verbal abuse, from his family and has forgiven inwardly but wants to know what the relationship should be now and in the future, now that he is in the middle path of life.
There is another sutra that also advises us to forgive hurts quickly and inwardly, but, not outwardly until the person reconciles. We forgive inwardly because we know it is our karma that we have put it into motion in the past and are now experiencing it. But we hold firm - a friendly firm wall between ourselves and the individual, which means a friendly distance, because we know that it is their karma, too, that must be reconciled in apologies and the assurance that it wont happen again.
To have a happy future with your family and friends, don't ignore them. Sit down with them, stand on your own two feet, head up and spine straight, and bring it all out in the open. Let them know how you feel about what they said and what they did. Especially in Asia, so many things are swept under the carpet, not talked about and left to smolder and mold there. But now, in today's world we must clean up the mess, in order to go along into a happy future.
The basic foundation of Sanatana Dharma is ahimsa, not hurtfulness - physically, mentally and emotionally. We must always remember this.
Aum Nama Sivaya, Aum Nama Sivaya.