How to Become a Hindu

Personal Encounters
With Hinduism

ERE ARE TRUE HISTORIES OF INDIVIDUALS AND FAMILIES who formally entered Śaivite Hinduism over the years. We begin with Hitesvara Saravan, a former Baptist who discovered Hinduism later in life and recently completed his conversion. Hitesvara and the others whose stories lie herein consented to share their firsthand experience in severing his former religious commitments and then entering the Hindu faith. These inspiring real-life stories illustrate the six steps of ethical conversion (see Chapter Seven) in captivating detail. Each story is written from a delightfully different angle. Enjoy.§

My Conversion from the Baptist Church

How I Was Uplifted and Transformed by the Śaivite Hindu Teachings. By Hitesvara Saravan.

Gurudeva, Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, has blessed me with the name Hitesvara Saravan, which I interpret to mean One who cares for others born of the Lake of Divine Essence. My former name was Alton Barry Giles, a name from Scottish heritage. §

It was not until I was in the vānaprastha āśrama, at 56 years old, that in July of 1997 I typed the word Hindu into a search engine on an archaic, text-only computer. This brought me into a new conscious realization as I came upon a text in Gurudeva’s website about the five sacred vows of the sannyāsin, which I printed and studied. These words touched me at a soul level. Through exploration of the website over the next few days, I was brought into a small group of devotees in San Diego and then to the local mandir. My conscious journey into the beliefs of my soul intensified. §

I had not met Gurudeva in person. I had not even seen a picture of him until my first satsaṅga in August. I had been aware, however, for many more than twenty years that I had an inner, spiritual guide—a gentle, kind man urging me onward. Now I know that Gurudeva has been with me all my life. I began the joy of being able to communicate with Gurudeva by e-mail and to be introduced to him by phone, but I was not to meet him in person until December of that year. §

Why did I come in person to Gurudeva so late in life? I had many experiences from which to learn, many past life karmas to mitigate. I had many years of living below the mūlādhāra. I had the need to overcome fear of God from my fundamental Baptist upbringing in a very religious family. I had even been told by my mother that my lack of belief and lifestyle meant that I was going to go to hell. She cried. I had to overcome alcoholism and drug addiction and its effects, which I did in 1982, sexual promiscuity by becoming celibate in 1992, renouncing meat eating, also in 1992, and learning to rise above all of the lower emotions, such as fear, anger and resentment. I had to commence on the path toward purity to find and learn many lessons from experience before I would be ready to wholeheartedly and completely dedicate myself to the San Mārga, the straight path. I had previously rejected the idea of any one person being my teacher. Now I know this was just in preparation until I met my one teacher, the guru of my soul, Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. §

I had been introduced to the Eastern religions in a fleeting way all throughout the 70s and 80s. I had heard Krishnamurti, had glimpses into Buddhism and Taoism, but it never fully formed in my mind that the beliefs of my soul were Hindu beliefs. I had only heard briefly about Hinduism and only from a Western perspective. In the 90s, after I renounced meat and sex, my spiritual path intensified. I read the Yogi Publication Society’s books. I heard about Vivekananda and read his works, as well as Autobiography of a Yogi. I read some of the literature from the Theosophical Society; Light on the Path in particular struck home with me. From January, 1997, until I came into the Śaivite fold I attended SRF (Self Realization Fellowship) services in San Diego, but was put off by the fact that while I believed in the concept of “saints of all religions,” the pictures of Jesus on the altar and the references to Jesus did not sit well with me. §

Simultaneously with meeting Gurudeva’s followers and having accessed the website, I began receiving the daily lessons from Dancing with Śiva. Every one of Gurudeva’s beautiful words spoke to my soul. I realized that these were and had been always the beliefs of my soul. I had found my true path. From that day forward, and with greater intensity after my first beautiful experience of darśana and meeting Gurudeva in December of 1997, I have tried to undauntingly move forward as I have been guided and led. §

I obtained and avidly read and reread Dancing with Śiva and Loving Gaṇeśa. I read “The Six Steps of Conversion.” There has never been any doubt in my mind that this is what I wanted to do, not so much to convert to Śaiva Siddhānta but to return to it formally, albeit for the first time in this lifetime. I attended the local mandir for Śiva and Gaṇeśa pūjās starting the first month after accessing the website and mixed with Hindus during festivals. There was immediate welcoming and acceptance. §

I wrote a point-counterpoint between Śaiva Siddhānta and Baptist belief. I realized that I had never been comfortable with my Baptist upbringing. I had, for example, never comprehended the concept that in the Old Testament God was vengeful, calling down plagues, killing first-born sons, but then it seemed that this God changed upon the birth of Jesus and he was now kind and loving. It made no sense that God would change. I always believed in God, but the God of the Baptist religion did not equate with my inherent knowledge of God. §

I commenced assigned sādhanas, books one and two of The Master Course, the teachers’ guide, the Loving Gaṇeśa sādhana among them, and of course daily reading of Dancing with Śiva. I learned and began daily Gaṇeśa pūjā, rāja and haṭha yoga, and made efforts at meditation. §

I let Gurudeva know that I wished to make a formal conversion. On March 9, 1998, I received the blessing of my Hindu first name based on my astrology and the syllable hi. My first name was Hitesvara, “God of Welfare,” caring for others. I was now ardha-Hindu Hitesvara Giles. I was then permitted to pick three last names for Gurudeva to choose from. I chose Kanda, Saravan and Velan. §

I attended several Baptist Church services locally, including Easter services. I made arrangements to travel to Boston on April 30 to meet with my father and brother and the minister of the church where I was brought up to fulfill the formal severance’s third step of conversion and to inform my family of my decision. I had not been to the Baptist church for 38 years, except for my mother’s funeral and one other occasion. §

My father is a non-demonstrative person. He is very strict. He had never once said to me the words “I love you.” The most physical contact we had since I was a small child was for him to shake hands with me. Mother and father had both lamented that I was going to go to hell because of my lifestyle. I had continued, however, a good though distant relationship with them in later years, but I was concerned that father would be upset by my decision, and there was a possibility that he could disown me. That was acceptable, but I wanted to try to honor and respect him for his ways and to not upset him, and it was important to me that I be clear and try to have him understand my decision and sincerity. I therefore wrote him some letters. I told him about my Hindu beliefs in God, and after meditation it came to me to write him a loving letter in which I reminisced about all of the good times that I could remember throughout my years of living at home. §

I had received some advice and had listened to the testimony of several of Gurudeva’s devotees on their experiences in conversion. There was no question that I did a great deal of introspective searching and meditation on the process and that it was fiery and humbling. However, I remained undaunted and firm, but I did need to expend great effort and newfound willpower. §

I had some difficulty reaching and convincing long distance in advance the minister to meet with me, but before I left on my trip he agreed. §

When I arrived at our family home after greeting my father and brother, I immediately set up a Gaṇeśa shrine and a picture of Gurudeva in my bedroom. The next day before dawn I performed Gaṇeśa pūjā and prayed for obstacles to be removed. I then spoke to my father, having prepared an outline in advance and explained to him the beliefs of my soul and also that I was in the process of receiving a Hindu name and that I would be giving up forever the family name.§

My father’s love remained outwardly hidden from me, however he listened and in his way showed his acceptance by remaining silent and not commenting on anything I had said. I invited him to join me in my meeting with his minister, Reverend Vars. My father declined, however my brother agreed to go with me. On Saturday I went to a brook where I had played as a child and performed Gaṅgā Sādhana, imparting to the leaves and flowing water all of my vestiges of Christianity and giving wildflowers I had picked to the water in thanks. §

The meeting was set for the following Monday. I attended the Baptist church service on that Sunday with my brother and listened to Reverend Vars’ sermon, which was on being joyful, gentle, having good, noble qualities. I introduced myself to him and also met briefly with many of my father’s old friends. My father had stopped going to church at 86 due to fragility and weakness. §

That Monday my brother and I arrived at the church at the appointed time. I believe that Lord Gaṇeśa and Gurudeva were there with me. Reverend Vars was very cordial. I spoke to him, explaining that I was grateful to have had a religious upbringing, talked about my years of spiritual questing, how his sermon had touched me, as it indeed was our belief as well to be gentle and to live a good life with good conduct. I had some trepidation that he might be spouting hellfire and damnation to me. However, I had prepared a great deal and sent prayers to the Kadavul Temple in Hawaii and had prayed to Gaṇeśa to remove obstacles and to smooth the way. I was so blessed. §

I explained to the Reverend Vars my belief that I have, and always had, a Hindu soul, my belief in temple worship, divine beings, and in having a spiritual preceptor. I explained the Hindu beliefs of reincarnation and karma. Reverend Vars listened respectfully and told me that he had had chaplaincy training, where he had learned some about other religions, although he could not personally accept concepts like reincarnation. He turned to my brother and asked how he felt about what I was doing. My brother indicated that he would prefer it if I were to be a Christian but that he would support my choice. §

I asked Reverend Vars if he would write me a letter of release. He stated that he would do so and mail it to me. I thanked him. I then offered him a copy of Dancing with Śiva, Hinduism’s Contemporary Catechism to give him additional insight into the Hindu religion. He accepted and said, “I will read this.” §

Upon my return to San Diego I received the letter (p. 9) from the Baptist church. On May 28, 1998, I received word that Gurudeva had chosen Saravan for me as my Hindu last name. On May 31 I filed a petition in San Diego Superior Court to change my name. The court date was set for July 28. I also arranged that day for the name change to be published on four weekly dates prior to the court date. §

It was as though my father had waited for me to tell him my news and that he had blessed me, for on July 16, 1998, my father made his transition quietly in his sleep. My mother had made her transition in 1992. §

I appeared in court on July 28. The judge questioned the reason for my decision and promptly signed the decree. I immediately began the process of having legal papers changed, such as driver’s license, social security and all of the many other places and documents that were necessary. I then informed all of my business associates and acquaintances of my decision. §

After my thirty-one-day retreat subsequent to my father’s death, I asked Gurudeva’s blessing to have my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. Gurudeva sent a Church member, Sadhunathan Nadesan, and we met that day. I explained to him my Hindu beliefs, and he asked me some questions concerning these. I received Gurudeva’s blessing, and subsequently Sadhu and I talked to the priest of our local mandir. The priest was somewhat surprised, as he had never performed a name-giving ceremony for an adult, but he consulted with his guru, who knew of our beloved Gurudeva, and we provided him with information concerning conversion, including a copy of the Six Steps to Conversion and a copy of a sample certificate. He agreed to perform the ceremony. §

On the auspicious day of August 26, 1998, at a most beautiful ceremony performed by our local Hindu priest and looked over and blessed and attended by the Gods and devas and devotees of Gurudeva, I, Hitesvara Saravan, was “...thus bound eternally and immutably to the Hindu religion as a member of this most ancient faith,” and guardian devas were invoked from the Antarloka to protect, guide and defend me. Jai Gaṇeśa. §

I published in the newspaper a notice of my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. Our beloved Gurudeva was and is with me every step of the way. I received the following e-mail message from Gurudeva: “We are all very pleased that you have made this great step forward in your karmas of this life. Congratulations. Now the beginning begins. Don’t proceed too fast. Don’t proceed too slowly. Steady speed in the middle path.” §

My life changed forever. Continuous blessings have been flowing ever since from our beloved Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. §

Hitesvara Saravan, 58, is the Administrator for the California Department of Health Services in San Diego and has oversight responsibilities for hospitals, nursing homes, home health agencies and hospices. §

Our Release From the Jewish Faith

The Story of Facing Our Rabbi and Being Accepted by the Hindus of Denver. By Vel Alahan.

I was nervous as I sat with my former rabbi to discuss my change of religion. He turned out to be a fine, astute, intelligent man. We explained what we were doing, and he gave arguments in response. Basically he wanted us to give him a chance to start over with us. But we explained what we had been through and that we could not refute the inner knowing that had come from within ourselves about the truth of our Śaivism. We brought a witness with us, an old friend who lives in the neighborhood near the synagogue. We told him that based on our own inner experience we believed in Śaivite Hinduism and in Gurudeva as our guru. We explained how our worship is set up and the striving for eventual knowledge of Lord Śiva, merger in Lord Śiva. Based on the fact that I was a normal person, successful in the business world, with a family and children, he believed what I said and respected my convictions. §

I explained to him why I had come: because I needed to A) test myself in the face of my former religious commitments and B) in the presence of my former rabbi and Jewish inner plane hierarchy, in the Jewish institution, state my inner commitment and my desire to leave Judaism. He had his arguments. We just had to stay strong. I held fast to my inner commitment. My outer mind was fluxing and swaying a bit, but I always had the inner part to hold onto.§

He would not write a letter of severance. He felt that by writing such a letter he would be doing a wrong act himself. But he wished us well, gave his blessings and complimented us on our fine intellectual knowledge of our religion and of Judaism. We introduced the witness and explained why we had brought a witness, so that in the event that the rabbi would not write a letter, the witness could write a letter stating what had happened. We were well prepared, and that is a key point. If one were to go unkempt, unemployed, he would not get the respect. And if you are unprepared, you will fumble a bit. §

Afterward the meeting was over I felt a sense of release. I felt wonderful. I couldn’t believe I had actually done it. Of course, there were the details to be faced afterwards, the announcement and all. But it felt good. And we did not hurt the rabbi’s feelings; though he did say he was sad to lose one of his fold and expressed his view that “Once a Jew, always a Jew.” But he never had to face anything like this before and he said so, that it was something new to him and he would have to take it in on the inside and come to terms with it inside himself.§

Actually, much of the experience of our severance took place earlier, when we had been advised by the Academy to read some books on Judaism and then meet with the author and discuss Judaism with him. We also did extensive point-counterpoints comparing Judaism with Śaivism. At that time, that was a huge psychic battle, almost like a storm. And psychically it was not like fighting another person, but the other forces were defeated. It was a major inner struggle.§

During the early years of our conversion process, we stayed away from the Denver Hindu community, though we visited the Indian food store regularly and paid our respects to the Gaṇeśa shrine there. We realize this would be the Deity of the future Hindu temple. At home, without fail, we did Gaṇeśa pūjā for a number of years with the whole family attending.§

When we reached the stage to contact the Hindu community, and we made an appointment to meet with the Gangadharam family, Pattisapu and Sakunthala. We told them that we wanted to get to know the people and relate to them socially. They talked with us and took us into the community. They became our appa and amma and treated us very nicely. We explained that we intended to have a nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra later with our Gurudeva, and they immediately said, “We will do a nāmakaraṇa. We insist. It will be good for the community as a whole.”§

Interaction included playing tennis with some of the community, dinners, hiking, teas, Telegu new year, Tamil new year. Things progressed, and when the time was right and after we had seen the rabbi and chosen our names, the nāmakaraṇa was arranged. Mrs. Gangadharam planned the day according to Hindu astrology. And a priest was there from the Pittsburgh Temple, Panduranga Rao. Many people were there. A new sari was given to my wife to wear and a shirt and veshṭi was given to me. It was very nice the way they took care of us. During the ceremony, our “parents” signed our names in rice and repeated the required words before the community and Gods. Then we walked around and touched the feet of anyone who was an elder and gestured namaskāra to anyone younger. Food was served afterwards, prasādam from the pūjā.§

Vel Alahan, 52, is a partner in a home building center in Vail, Colorado.§

From Judaism to Hinduism

My Successful Struggle for Release From Judaism to Enter Hinduism. By Valli Alahan.

To convert from Judaism to Hinduism was a very big experience in this life. I didn’t know that I would do it; it was nothing I ever planned on. But what happened in studying meditation and then later on, Hinduism, now seems inevitable and quite logical.§

Our Gurudeva believes that it is best for a person to be fully of one religion, not half this and half that. When we began our inner study, I quite easily accepted Lord Gaṇeśa and what little I knew of Hinduism. I was ready to sign on right then. What I didn’t know was that it is a very big process to consciously leave one’s birth religion, especially Judaism at that time, with the confusion surrounding it as being a race-religion. So we were caught temporarily.§

With the grace of Lord Gaṇeśa and Lord Murugan, our opportunity to convert moved along very slowly and with veiled sureness. I knew my true beliefs were in Hinduism and that I, the soul, had no binds. I felt that even if I could not convert in this life, I would hold my beliefs and it would work out later on. I also believed that Gurudeva would not have us go through this for nothing. Still it was discouraging to be halfway “there.” I wanted to be the same religion as my Gurudeva. The longer it took, the more conviction and appreciation for Hinduism developed.§

We had to counterpoint our beliefs: Judaism and Hinduism. We (my husband and I) spoke to a rabbi in Israel over the telephone, after reading his book claiming Judaism predated and was the true source of Hinduism. And we wondered if we would ever resolve the conflicting karma of the birth religion and the religion of our soul. One morning I woke up from a dream where I was yelling at the Jewish angels in a fiery way, asserting that “I am not Jewish!” I read from the Tirumantiram, and it gave courage and security. This went on for seven or so years. §

Then, with the grace of our Gurudeva, we were informed that we could amalgamate with the Denver Hindu community. It was a great joy to be around a generation of Indian Hindus that were very kind, open and understanding. Eventually they arranged for our nāmakaraṇa. The name-giving sacrament came after we formally declared apostasy to a rabbi in Denver. It was almost anti-climactic after the long wait, but still a little nerve-wracking because who could know what his reaction would be. We had a detached witness attend, and basically, without insult, the rabbi let us go. We published our change of religion in the local newspapers and with great joy began using our full Hindu names. This was a very meaningful experience that caused me to personally examine and pull up old roots and claim Hinduism as my true path.§

Valli Alahan, 53, is a housewife, mother and grandmother in Vail, Colorado.§

My Excommunication from Greek Orthodoxy

Sent Back To My Old Church, I Learned Hinduism Is The Only Religion for Me. By Diksha Kandar.

My present Śaivite Hindu name is Diksha Kandar; my former name was William Angelo Georgeson. I met Gurudeva in 1969, studied with him in California and India, and entered one of his monasteries in January of 1970. At that time a full conversion to Hinduism was not required, so I served in his monasteries until 1976, at which time he decided that a full conversion was necessary to thoroughly cleanse and clarify the minds of his devotees who had been involved in other religions prior to their exposure to Hinduism. I had been born and baptized in the Eastern Orthodox Christian religion, which is the original Christian religion that first emerged in Greece after the death of Christ. But beyond being baptized in it as a baby, I never participated in it and didn’t know much about it. Yet as a monk, I had come to understand that this potent baptism had connected me up with inner world guardian angels who were obligated to guide me through life according to their Christian mindset, which I had previously adopted simply by being born into a Greek Orthodox family.§

In 1976 Gurudeva informed me that because the Eastern Orthodox Faith is such an old and strong faith, it was considered a race-religion that I was bound to for life, and that I should return to that faith to participate in it fully and permanently. This was heartbreaking for me, and I remember openly crying about this unhappy situation of not being allowed into Hinduism.§

I obeyed and returned to the city where I was baptized to practice Eastern Orthodox Christianity. I worked closely with the priest there and helped him with the church services. I very carefully studied this faith from its origins and learned its beliefs, which were very different than my Hindu beliefs, Orthodox Christian religion, which is the original Christian not only different, but very conflicting on many important points. Since I understood that Hinduism was not an option to me, I never discussed my Hindu beliefs with my Christian priest, because I could see that there was not a resolution in the discussion of them. §

But in studying it out, I learned about a deep, mystical tradition that went back centuries in Greece. I felt if I could find a Christian monastery that lived the ancient spiritual tradition of the Church, then I would enter into that Christian monastery. I offered written prayers to Lord Gaṇeśa to help make this happen. Soon I was corresponding with an author in England who said he knew of such monasteries in Mount Athos, Greece. After six months of serving in the Greek Orthodox Church, I communicated all of this to Gurudeva. When he saw that I was clinging to my Hindu beliefs and did not share the beliefs of the Eastern Orthodox faith, he told me that now that I clearly understood the differences between the two faiths, if I wanted to, I could return to Hinduism after getting a letter of excommunication from the Christian Church, and after being refused the Christian sacraments offered by my priest and after getting my name legally changed to a Hindu name. What a happy day, and I did not hesitate to set all this into motion. §

But the priest would not write such a letter, because to do so would be to consign me to everlasting hell, which he could not do in good conscience. The priest’s wife came to me in tears, saying she was not crying because she was going to miss me but because of the condemnation of my soul to everlasting hell. I tried to console her, but it was no use. So then I went to the Church Bishop in San Francisco to see if he would write a letter of excommunication, but he would not discuss the issue with me. After another six months of effort, the Archbishop of North America in New York finally wrote a letter (see p. 20) that said I was no longer a member of the Eastern Orthodox Christian faith—another very happy day. It is this act by the Archbishop which severed my connection with the inner worlds and guardian angels of Christianity, and I felt a definite release.§

My brother, an attorney, had my name legally changed for me. Finally, I had my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra on January 5, 1979—Gurudeva’s birthday—at Kadavul Hindu Temple in Kauai, which formally entered me into the inner and outer worlds of Hinduism and connected me up with Hindu guardian devas to guide me through life in accordance with my Hindu mindset, which to me accurately reflects the reality of all that is in all three worlds. I was given mantra dīkshā, initiation into the sacred Pañchākshara Mantra, by Gurudeva on September 9, 1982, at the famed Śiva Naṭarāja temple in Chidambaram, South India. These were two of the most important days of my life. §

The whole excommunication process took exactly one year—to the day—to accomplish. There is no religion on Earth that comes close to comparing with the greatness of all that is Hinduism, most especially Śaivite Hinduism. In what sect of Hinduism would you find a woman weeping because someone’s soul was eternally lost? §

After returning to Gurudeva’s monastery, I served for many years as a temple priest at the Palaniswami Sivan Temple in San Francisco and later in Concord, California. I was always treated with the utmost respect by the Indian community who came to the temple. They were always very impressed to hear my story of all the effort that I went through to become a Hindu, and I felt totally accepted by them as a Hindu and as a temple priest. Other Hindu priests also totally accepted me, and I am indebted to one very fine priest, Pandit Ravichandran, for his help in training me in priestly demeanor, protocol and the learning of the Sanskrit language for doing Hindu pūjās. Most importantly, I am indebted to my satguru for making it possible for me to be a Śaivite Hindu through and through, legally, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, consciously, subconsciously and spiritually in this and inner worlds. §

Diksha Kandar, age 58, lifetime brahmachārī for 31 years; served 23 years as a sādhaka in Gurudeva’s monasteries, including serving as a priest in the temples in San Francisco, Concord and Virginia City. He presently works as a waiter in Seattle, while organizing outreach satsaṅgs.§

Changing Over to a Śaivite Name

With My Family’s Blessings, I completed the Legal Processes and Had a New Name-Giving Rite in Malaysia. By Sivaram Eswaran.

I was born into a Malaysian Hindu family and did not belong to any Hindu sect or religious group. Therefore, I didn’t convert to become a Hindu and was free enough to chose to be a Śaivite Hindu. I am a student of Himālayan Academy preparing to become a member of Śaiva Siddhānta Church. One of the requirements was to bear and legally register a Śaivite Hindu name, first and last, and use it proudly each day in all circumstances, never concealing or altering it to adjust to non-Hindu cultures, as per sūtra 110 of Living with Śiva. §

My original birth name was Raj Sivram Rajagopal. This name was incompatible with my Hindu astrology naming syllable, and the last name, Rajagopal, is a Vaishṇavite name. Therefore, I had to do a complete name change. §

At this point my mother and relatives were unhappy about my proposed name change. Commonly in Eastern Hindu culture, especially in my family, a complete name change of an adult is discouraged. It’s because they feel that this would indicate disrespect to parents and family elders, difficulties to legalize the new name, and it would be a hot topic among the surrounding society. However, I managed to convince them with my strong intentions of becoming a Śaivite Hindu, a member of Śaiva Siddhānta Church, to have a name compatible with my astrology chart and the numerological naming system. Understanding and respecting my decision, my mother and relatives gave their full blessings for the name change. With the blessings of my beloved Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami and the guidance of Acharya Ceyonswami and Sannyasin Shanmuganathaswami, I accepted Sivaram Eswaran as the best and most suitable Śaivite name for myself. §

According to Malaysian law, any addition, correction or complete name change in the birth certificate can only be done within the age of one year old. The birth name remains the same in the birth certificate and the new name is only considered an additional name to the original one, if a person intends to change his name after the age of one year old. However, this additional name would only be approved with valid reasons and supporting documents attached to the formal application§

Knowing all this, I made a name change application to the Malaysian Registration Department. This application was attached with my valid reasons and supporting letters from Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, a relative and a close friend. About five months later, I received the approval letter from the department. At this point I was given a temporary identity certificate, and a year later I received my new identity card.§

My name remained the same in the birth certificate but the addition was done in the identity card as Sivaram Eswaran @ Raj Sivram s/o (son of) Rajagopal. Once I received the new identity card, I went on to correct my name in all other departments, documents, certificates, passport, driving license and bank books. Everything went on well. §

With the blessings of my beloved Gurudeva, on 26 May 1999 morning, my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra was conducted by the priests at Waterfall Śrī Gaṇeśa Temple, Penang, Malaysia. The ceremony was done in a complete Śaivite tradition with a homa fire. The ceremony was witnessed by my mother, family members, close relatives and friends, and by the head of my Church extended family, Kulapati Thanabalan Ganesan and his wife. §

After the name change, everyone started calling me Sivaram Eswaran, and my signature was also changed. I could also feel some physical changes in myself. The change didn’t end here, but dragged on and started to uplift my life. After my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra, I felt like a newborn baby at the age of 23 on the spiritual path. I could really feel the change and differences in my daily life when I compare this period to the time when I was known as Raj Sivram s/o Rajagopal. My life started improving well, plans started to manifest, needs were catered on time and life now seems to be more successful then ever. I really prefer and enjoy this new birth after the death of Raj Sivram s/o Rajagopal on 26 May 1999. Believe it or not, it’s really a wonderful life after a name change!§

Sivaram Eswaran, 24, lives in Penang, Malaysia. He is a final year undergraduate with University Utara of Malaysia pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree in Public Management. §

How I Found My Guru

Rejecting Christian Science Early in Life, I Discovered Hindu Yoga and a Śaivite Master. By Easan Katir.

When I was fourteen, an out-of-body experience revealed that there was more to life than this world, so I set out to find out all I could about inner things. I read lots of books, and the one book I used for spiritual practices said “this book is good, but it is much better if you have a spiritual teacher, a guru.” I didn’t have one.§

I had taken Hindu yoga books to the Christian Science Sunday school my parents sent me to, and remarked to the teacher, “These books are saying the same thing as your books, aren’t they?” He said, “No, they’re not, and don’t bring those books here again!” So I didn’t, and I also never went back.§

When I was nineteen I attended a haṭha yoga class at Fresno State University once a week. One week I showed up, and someone at the door said, “The class has been cancelled, but there is a speaker here instead, and you can stay if you want to.” Not having anything else to do, I stayed. A few minutes later, in walked this tall being with white hair and huge eyes. He sat down in full lotus in the front of the room. He began speaking in a language I’d never heard before. A young monk sat next to him and translated into English. The language was Shūm, the language of meditation. I thought this was awesome, and knew that I had found my spiritual teacher.§

I studied through correspondence, then went on Innersearch pilgrimages to India, Sri Lanka and Switzerland. I was a monk for four years at Gurudeva’s monastery, Kauai Aadheenam in Hawaii, where I “grew up” and was educated. I vividly remember the day in 1975 when Gurudeva took a machete in hand, carved the San Mārga path through the Hawaiian jungle and discovered the svayambhū Śivaliṅga. My formal adoption of Hinduism took place at the Chidambaram Naṭarāja Temple in South India in an initiation ceremony conducted by the dīkshitar priests and Gurudeva.§

For a few years, I didn’t see Gurudeva or know of his whereabouts. I pilgrimaged to the Lord Gaṇeśa temple in Flushing, New York. Sitting in front of the Śivaliṅgam after the pūjā, I saw a vision of Gurudeva in orange robes with his hand on my head. About five minutes later, I felt something on my head. I opened my eyes, looked up, and there was Gurudeva in orange robes, with his hand on my head. He said, “Because you have come to this temple, your whole life will change.”§

Soon afterwards, a marriage was arranged in Sri Lanka to a Hindu girl. Now, twenty years later, we have two children who are carrying on the Hindu culture in the deep, mystical way Gurudeva has taught us. We’ve been blessed to help with parts of his grand mission as well. We toured China, Hong Kong and Malaysia to raise funds for Iraivan Temple, carried the yantras for Kadavul Hindu Temple from India, helped found the Concord Murugan Temple, resurrected the British subscription base of Gurudeva’s international magazine, HINDUISM TODAY, helped Sri Lankan refugees and with Iniki hurricane relief in 1992 at Kauai Aadheenam, and helped the Mauritius devotees with the installation of the nine-foot-tall Dakshiṇāmūrti at Gurudeva’s Spiritual Park on that beautiful island.§

Truly, through Gurudeva’s ever-flowing blessings, I’ve experienced much of the four noble goals of human life written of in the scriptures, with Śiva as the Life of my life on the path of Hindu Dharma, the broad four-lane expressway to Śiva’s Holy Feet. Aum Namaḥ Śivāya.§

Easan Katir, 48, lives in Sacramento, California, a Certified Financial Planner with American Express. He entered Hindu Dharma in 1972. §

My Whole Family Became Hindus

Years of Study, Introspection and Praying, Brought Us Into The World’s Greatest Religion. By Isani Alahan.

I was introduced to Gurudeva’s teachings in 1970 through a local haṭha yoga class held at the Parks and Recreation Department in the town where I lived, Carson City, Nevada. The woman teaching the class would lend the students weekly lessons written by Gurudeva, then known as Master Subramuniya, which we would return the following week in exchange for another.§

As time went on I read more about yoga and the wonderful benefits for the body and mind, which I could feel after a few weeks. At this time I decided to become a vegetarian. I was sixteen years old. A few years passed in which I completed high school, experienced travel to Mexico and across the US and the worldly education of Śrī Śrī Śrī Vishvaguru Mahā-Mahārāja.§

In 1972 my interest in studying Shūm, Gurudeva’s language of meditation, manifested. After signing up to study The Master Course audio tape series, I attended the weekly satsaṅga in Virginia City, Nevada, where the vibration was very actinic. During the first satsaṅga, the monks chanted Shūm. I had a memorable vision of Lord Śiva Naṭarāja on the banks of the sacred Gaṅga. My life had changed.§

I was, needless to say, impressionable, and Gurudeva, in his tape course, repeatedly said, “Travel through the mind as the traveler travels the globe.” I went to Europe for four months, experiencing the great civilizations of Greece, Italy, Morocco and Turkey. I had my first encounter with people of the Muslim faith. I learned a lot and repeatedly read Gurudeva’s books.§

When I returned to the US, I moved to the Bay Area to be near Gurudeva’s San Francisco center, as the monastery in Virginia City had been closed to women at the time. I met Gurudeva in the spring of 1973 at a festival at the San Francisco Temple. I went on Gurudeva’s Himālayan Academy Innersearch Travel-Study Program to Hawaii that summer. Then, per Gurudeva’s instructions, I moved back home with my parents.§

In January, I attended another Innersearch to Hawaii. I really enjoyed what I was learning, and I took my brahmacharya vrāta. I studied at home, but there wasn’t a strong support group at the time, and I lacked the inner strength to really stay on track on my own to do the daily sādhanas well.§

In 1975 I married my husband of 25 years. My husband was accepting of my beliefs, but wasn’t interested in studying with Gurudeva at the time. I continued my studies, and in 1980 I legally changed my name to Isani Alahan from Ardith Jean Barton, but kept my husband’s last name, Pontius.§

In December of 1982 I completed my conversion to Śaivite Hinduism from Catholicism. I worked closely with the yogīs and swāmīs in Kauai as they guided me through the relatively easy process. I prepared a statement of apostasy and took it to the local priest. He looked at it and agreed to sign my formal release from the Catholic Church. As I took a deep sigh of relief and quietly said that I was grateful the process had been so easy, he hesitated and asked me to leave the room. When I returned, he had changed his mind. He told me he had called the Bishop in Reno and was told he could not sign the paper. Later I learned this was not true, and the Bishop had been out of town.§

The swāmīs encouraged me to try another priest in the town where I was born. He was understanding, but also declined. During the next few weeks, all but one of my family members were very encouraging and understanding. Only my eldest sister, who was the last remaining practicing Catholic of my siblings, was emotional and angry. My parents even apologized for not being able to help me in some way.§

Within a few weeks, I called the Bishop to make an appointment to meet with him. He told me to go back to the original priest, who would sign my declaration of apostasy. I returned to the local rectory and met a priest of Chinese descent. He was very warm and accommodating. He explained how he understood the Hindu concept of ethical conversion. He signed my declaration and wished me the best.§

The next few weeks were extremely magical, as I had my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra at Kauai Aadheenam on December 25, 1982, with my two-year-old daughter, Neesha, and an old family friend, Nilima Visakan, now Nilima Srikantha. Then we were off for six weeks of Innersearch with Gurudeva and forty pilgrims, visiting temples and ashrams throughout Malaysia, Sri Lanka (Yogaswami’s shrine was a personal highlight) and Tamil Nadu, India. It was a fantastic spiritual experience that continues to reverberate in my mind today.§

At the time, my husband was not a Hindu, but our three daughters were given Hindu first names at birth, while keeping his family name. We raised the children according to Hindu Dharma and Gurudeva’s guidance. In 1984 we moved to the Seattle area. During the ten years we lived in Seattle, my children and I gathered with the other local Śaiva Siddhānta Church members for weekly satsaṅga. We also met with the local Hindu community for festivals. We studied Bhārata Nātyam and Carnatic vocal music. We had open house at our home for local Hindus to learn more about Gurudeva’s teachings. My children attended the summer camps put on by Church members in Hawaii, and we stayed in the flow of Gurudeva’s mind even though we lived far from the other communities of Church members.§

All through these years, I prayed that my husband would become a Śaivite Hindu and accept Gurudeva as his satguru. With my husband’s permission, I would write the same prayer weekly, and during our weekly homa I would burn the prayers, asking the devas to please help our family to worship together and to live in closer harmony with Gurudeva’s teachings.§

In 1993 my husband formally adopted Śaivism, legally changed his name from Victor Dean Pontius to Durvasa Alahan. He became a vegetarian, stopped smoking and gave up catch-and-release fishing, which was his favorite hobby. He had his nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra on Mahāśivarātri in Kauai in 1994 and became a member of Gurudeva’s Śaiva Siddhānta Church. That fall we moved to the island of Kauai to live near the holy feet of our beloved Gurudeva.§

In November, 1996, my husband and eldest daughter went on pilgrimage with Gurudeva to India for a month. My daughter was interested in studying Bhārata Nātyam, and my husband, under Gurudeva’s guidance, left my daughter in India so that she could attend Kalakshetra College of Fine Arts and get a diploma in Bhārata Nātyam. She started college in June of 1997, and the rest of the family, my husband, myself and two younger daughters, moved to Chennai, Tamil Nadu, in November of 1997. The past three years have had their moments of difficulty, but overall they have been a peak experience of my life, a fulfillment of my heart’s desires. I am now looking forward in the spring of 2000, following my daughter’s graduation from Kalakshetra, to moving back to Kauai with my family and joining the other families there. Jai Gurudeva, Sivaya Subramuniyaswaminatha! §

Isani Alahan, 46, has for the past three years lived in Chennai, India, where she works in the home, cooking South Indian āyurvedic meals for her family of five and does home-school with her youngest daughter. She is also studying Carnatic music, Sanskrit, haṭha yoga and the Kerala health system known as Kalaripayattu.§

My Husband and I and Our Lifelong Quest

From Vietnam to Yoga; Austerity in British Columbia to a Fulfilling Life in Family Dharma. By Amala Seyon.

My first introduction to Hinduism was when I met my husband. He had been going through a very soul-searching time, asking God why the Vietnam war, why the rioting in the streets of America, and what does materialism have to offer the soul? While going through this trying time and praying, he took a world religion class at the university. One day a born Hindu man came to his class and talked about the Hindu religion. All the concepts of Hinduism were the truths my husband was looking for. This Hindu man had a meditation center and invited anyone in the class to come. My husband started going on a regular basis. §

During this time my husband asked me to marry him. He explained to me about the Hindu religion and took me to the meditation center. I was so happy to hear some of the concepts, like God is within you, the law of karma, the evolution of the soul. I felt like I had been in a cage, like a bird, and someone opened the door, and I was able to fly into something much bigger and deeper. §

My husband told me that if we got married this was the path he wanted us to take. I accepted that and supported it fully. This started the process, to our surprise, of a confrontation of Western and Eastern philosophies. Our first encounter was in finding someone to marry us. We wanted to have a religious blessing, and so my husband went to the Hindu meditation center and asked this saintly man if he could marry us. He explained that his visa did not allow him to perform the ceremony. So we went to my family’s Christian minister and asked him to marry us. He asked us to meet with him as he did with all young couples wishing to marry.§

During this meeting he asked my husband a series of questions. Do you believe Jesus Christ is the only Son of God? Do you believe that the Holy Bible is the only word of God? The questioning went on for some time, and at the end of the interview he told my husband that not only could he not marry us but he was going to call my parents and tell them that he was against having me marry someone who was not a Christian. My minister went on to say that he couldn’t marry us because he didn’t believe in marrying couples from different religious beliefs. §

We then had to confront my mother, who was very much a Christian. This was all emotionally hard for her because of the belief that you could only be saved through the belief in Jesus Christ. She was very disappointed, and the issue caused a major disruption in our family. Finally, they accepted our marriage, and my husband located his past minister, now a professor of world religions at the university close by, who agreed to marry us. This brought to the forefront our Hindu beliefs to our family and friends. It was puzzling at the time, because my husband’s spiritual teacher had told us that all religions are one. §

After our marriage, we started reading all we could on Hinduism. My husband mistakenly followed the statements in Hindu scripture that we now realize were intended for monks. We sold and gave away all our wedding gifts and went to live in very remote areas of British Columbia. He read from morning until night and sat by a river for hours on end, but we finally realized we were not making real spiritual progress, and I was lonely living in remote areas and even on a deserted island. §

We started searching and praying, and one day someone invited us to meet our Gurudeva, Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. We recognized what a great soul he was immediately, and we started our studies with him. We had two daughters at the time, but had not had our name-giving sacrament into the religion as yet. So, when our children were five and three years old, we all had our name-giving together, formally entering the Śaivite Hindu religion.§

Gurudeva was very patient with us and helped my husband and me understand the dharma of family people and the limitless depths of the Hindu faith. My children were raised in the Hindu religion, and we spent a lot of years living near a Hindu temple, learning the culture and mixing with born Hindus at the Flushing, New York, Gaṇeśa temple. We learned so much and felt so naturally a part of the Hindu heritage. We followed a home school curriculum and taught our children in the home until they were twelve years old. We felt it important to get the Hindu convictions in strong, so they would know their religion. Our daughters are now both married and are wonderful mothers who stay home and care for their children. Our oldest daughter is married to a wonderful Hindu man from Mauritius in an extended family that showers her with love. We now live on the little island of Kauai and serve the community and the broader Hindu family through our many activities, all guided by Gurudeva himself. We are so very grateful to our guru. Aum Namaḥ Śivāya. §

Amala Seyon, 51, entered Hinduism in May 1975. A homemaker on Kauai, she and her husband live within walking distance of the Kadavul Hindu Temple.§

I’m So Proud to Be a Śaivite

Disillusioned with Catholicism, I Wound Up with No Faith at All, Then Discovered a Whole New Way of Perceiving Life and Beyond. By Asha Alahan.

It all seems like lifetimes ago. I had been raised in a Catholic family. My mother was a devout Catholic, my father had converted to Catholicism right before they were married. I was a happy child, believing in God, loving God and just doing as I was told. But when I reached my teens, I started to question many of the beliefs and became very disillusioned with the Catholic Church. So I left and became nothing!§

At eighteen I moved away from my parents’ home to live with my older sister in Santa Barbara, California. I loved God and knew that something was really missing, but did not quite know where to begin searching. My subconscious was so programmed that it was the Catholic Church or nothing. As children we were not even allowed to enter other places of worship; it was considered a sin. So I just did nothing! It wasn’t until I was twenty-one that I knew my life was on a down-hill spiral and I had to do something. I returned to my parents’ home and tried going to the local Catholic Church again. But I still felt that their religion did not hold the answers for me.§

It was not long after that I was married to my wonderful husband, and he introduced me to Gurudeva’s teachings. He showed me the “On the Path” book series and I listened to the original Master Course tapes that he had. It was all so new and exciting. The words were so true, and Gurudeva’s voice was so penetrating. It was a whole new way of perceiving the world and beyond—almost a little scary, as my subconscious mind kept trying to remind me of all the previous programming from early childhood and the Catholic school I had attended.§

Finally, we were able through an invitation from Gurudeva to come to Kauai for Satguru Pūrṇimā. I was about seven months’ pregnant with our first child. When I saw Gurudeva I was so surprised at what a tall person he was, with his white, flowing hair. His darśana was so powerful, I was almost overwhelmed. I had never been in the presence of such a refined soul. This was all so new to me.§

We continued our studies and finally came to a point where we were able to give Gurudeva three choices for our new Śaivite Hindu names. After receiving our new names, we went to tell our parents about this. Both sets of parents lived in the surrounding area, and we saw them often, so even though this was new (our name change), it wasn’t a surprise. But they did take a while to adjust. It was interesting that it was my father who first started to call me by my new name, and it wasn’t long after that my mother did also.§

We continued our studies with Gurudeva and proceeded to follow the steps towards severance. I had been confirmed in the Catholic Church so I needed to go back to the original parish where this had taken place and talk to the priest, have him understand my position and ask if he would please write a letter of severance for me. By the time I had finished speaking with him, he was unsure on what to say to me. He denied me the letter and suggested that I speak with the Archbishop of that diocese. I called and made an appointment with this person. I felt since I was going to a higher authority than the local priest that this should be easier. I was wrong. I thought he might understand my position and agree to write a letter for me. I was wrong. Well, he was not at all happy (even on the verge of anger) and totally refused to let me explain myself. So I left, wondering where I might go next.§

In the area where we lived there were some old California missions that were still functional (as places of worship) so I decided to speak with a priest at the nearby mission. I knew the moment I walked into this priest’s office that I had been guided by divine beings—he was the one to speak with. He had symbols of the major world religions hanging on his walls. We spoke for a while, and then he wrote me a letter (p. 37) stating that he understood that I wished to sever all previous ties with the Catholic Church and would soon be entering the Hindu religion and then wished me well.§

Gurudeva suggested that I come to Kauai’s Kadavul Hindu Temple to have my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. Which I did. It was a magical saṁskāra. At the time I don’t think I realized the deep profoundness of that experience, finally finding the place where my soul knew it belonged.§

I am so proud to be a Śaivite Hindu. I am proud of my Hindu name and often get compliments from people who hear it for the first time. §

I am grateful and appreciate all that Gurudeva has done for me all these years, guiding me gently and offering me opportunities to make changes on the outside as well as on the inside. Jai Gurudeva. Jai!§

Asha Alahan, 44, lives in the San Francisco East Bay, California. She formally entered Śaivism in 1985 at Kauai Hindu Temple. Asha, whose husband and children are also Hindus, is a wife, mother and housewife and a home-school teacher to all her children.§

Excommunication and Facing the Family

The Priest Tested My Mettle, and My Parents Accepted My Decisions. By Kriya Haran.

I was born in New York City of a very strong Roman Catholic background. I went to church regularly. I was also an altar boy for a while. I made my communion and confirmation in the neighborhood church. I went to Catholic school for seventh and eighth grade, and my brother went into a monastery for a short time. I was formally excommunicated from the Catholic Church in 1978. I was lucky, as I was in New York City at the time, worshiping at the Gaṇeśa Temple in Queens. §

I remember a few difficult parts of my excommunication. I think I was really coming to terms with my religious beliefs at that time. I was studying intensely with Gurudeva and one must have that total commitment and faith in your beliefs in Hinduism, because when you get excommunicated and are not of any religion it is a scary feeling. You realize how important religion is in one’s life. §

Facing my family was difficult and emotional. I didn’t know how they would react to my decision. Also, I was worried about how they would react to my name change. Surprisingly, they accepted my decision with no arguments. They saw how much I had changed for the better since my association with Gurudeva, the swāmīs and other monks of Śaiva Siddhānta Church. §

The other scary event I experienced was going to the archdiocese of New York City and facing the intimidating priests and nuns. I had to do this in order to get excommunicated. They simply do not want to let you go. They make excommunication an uncomfortable experience. I was (and still am) so sure of my Hindu beliefs that I would not take “no” for an answer, especially when the priest put his feet up on the desk and lit up a cigarette. The priest and I got into a heated discussion about Catholicism, Hinduism, heaven and hell, but my convictions and ties to Gurudeva were too strong for the priest. In the end, I succeeded in getting excommunicated (letter, p. 40).§

Kriya Haran, 57, lives in Seattle, Washington, where he owns and operates his own taxi cab. He became a Hindu on January 4,1979.§

Reconciliation Was Arduous

I Had Been a Catholic, Mormon, Buddhist, New Age Person and More. By Damara Shanmugan.

In 1989 a friend and manager of a metaphysical bookstore gave me a little booklet as a thank you gift. She said, “It is by an American master known as Gurudeva.” I read I’m Alright, Right Now every night for one month before going to sleep. Deep inside I knew that every word it contained was “the Truth,” not just someone’s interpretation of the Truth.§

At the end of 1989 I sent away for The Master Course by mail and became a correspondence student of the Himālayan Academy. At this time in my life I was very active in the New Age movement. I worked full time and was also a massage therapist and rebirther. For years I had been going from teacher to teacher. All of them without exception taught, “Be your own guru, a real one is unnecessary,” and “religion is what is wrong with the world.” For almost one year, I studied from afar, being careful not to get too close to this strangely familiar Hindu world.§

I first met with Gurudeva in person on October 4, 1990. Any plans I had to only dangle my toes in the warm waters of Hinduism completely dissolved on that day. Just simply sitting in the presence of this wonderful enlightened being caused a shift within me that I could both feel and understand. I was forty-four years old at that time. I began to do pūjā every day as best I could and continued to study The Master Course teachings by mail and in seminars.§

Unbelievably, I was moving toward membership in the only Hindu church on planet Earth. I probably hold the record for the most religions severed from! I had been born and raised a Catholic, attending ten years of Catholic school until 1960. In 1981 I became a Mormon and was very active as both a Ward and Stake Relief Society cooking teacher. By 1985 I found myself practicing Zen Buddhism and exploring the New Age movement. By nature, I do not have a very confronting personality, and over the years I had just drifted from one thing to another.§

By December, 1991, I had completed all the necessary study to move toward becoming a Hindu. The next step was to reconcile what I now believed as a person aspiring to become a Hindu against all the beliefs I had held in the past. I took a whole month of vacation from work and spent that entire time searching my heart and soul, reconciling each belief as a Catholic, Mormon, Buddhist, New Age person and, yes, I even absorbed some beliefs from the drug culture and secular humanism.§

I wrote over three-hundred pages of confessional prayers during that month. During this “gut-wrenching” time I had terrible pains in my stomach and more than a few times came very close to asking to be taken to the hospital. Why would I put myself through this? Was there some outside force making me do it? For the very first time in my life I knew from the inside out that I was finally on the right path for me.§

My family did not take the change very well, and yet they all had to admit that I was happier and more content than they had ever seen me before. They decided to tolerate the changes. On January 1, 1992, I was given my new name, Damara Shanmugan. Such a beautiful and unique name. Damara means outstanding and surprising, an assistant of God Śiva. Shanmugan literally means, “six-faced,” one of the many beautiful names of Lord Murugan, the God of Yoga.§

Now began the formidable tasks of legally changing my name and obtaining a letter of severance from all former religious affiliations. But I was no longer just a drifter. A new-found courage was born of the knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, exactly what I believed from the inside out—not the outside in. I visited the Social Security Office, Department of Motor Vehicles, payroll department of my employer and filed a petition with the county of San Diego for a future court date in August of 1992. Every bill, card, account and license had to be corrected. Each phone call required an explanation, “Just as Cassius Clay became Muhammad Ali....”§

I went back to the Catholic Church that I had attended until nineteen years old. As I attended mass each Sunday for a couple of months, I recognized the comfortable and soft feelings of this huge church. I realized that I had been guided and nurtured by kind, inner plane beings, angels, all through my childhood. I understood that there is no competition for souls in the inner worlds. And yet I also knew that what they were preaching I no longer believed.§

I was bounced back and forth between the diocese and the parish when I called to get an appointment for excommunication. Finally one day when I was in the neighborhood, I just stopped by the rectory and asked to see the priest. They showed me in, and I told my story of wanting to be a Hindu and needing a letter of severance to move along my spiritual path. The forthcoming letter was beautiful, kind and loving beyond my wildest hopes and dreams. I understood the wisdom of closing this door with love and understanding.§

When I went back to the Mormon ward I had attended for three years, I had a similar experience. The official letter of severance (p. 42) took months to arrive from Salt Lake City. And they sent many people to my home during that time to try to get me to change my mind. I discovered that I possessed an unwavering certainty within. This was a great surprise, for I had never been aware of this part of my character before.§

Finally, I visited my New Age teacher, who loved and practiced Zen Buddhism. I could literally feel the deep karmic issues between us dissolving away. Another kind and loving letter was forthcoming (p. 44). My stomach was totally at peace now. Wow, I had done it! Not bad for a non-confrontational person like myself.§

I made plans to travel back to the Garden Isle of Kauai for my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. Just before leaving I had an incredible experience. One evening while sitting on the couch fully awake, I had a vision that is clearer today than it was on that night. I was surrounded by all the guardian angels who had helped me as a Christian. There were thirty or forty beautiful beings all around me. They were celebrating my becoming a Hindu! All around us was great celebration and joy. Then, off to the left, appeared another group of beautiful beings. I was lovingly escorted over to the new group, and I moved over to join them. I knew these to be my new guides, devas and Mahādevas of Hinduism. There was genuine celebration and pure joy among all these inner plane beings—no competition, no sorrow. I can still feel the love and well wishes of the former group. §

The official ceremony took place in July of 1992, in the small monastic Kadavul Temple on Gurudeva’s paradise property in Kauai. There was a blazing fire in the homa pit and I was asked to stand between the Earthkeeper crystal and the six-foot-tall Śiva Naṭarāja during the last part of the ceremony. I don’t remember my feet touching the ground. Gurudeva gave me a small damaru, Śiva’s drum, symbolizing creation. I felt like a brand new person—new name, new religion, new culture, new way of dressing, new way of acting and a totally new way of seeing and relating to the world and people around me. It was an awesome day, and the feelings are stronger now than they were then.§

Hinduism cannot be forced upon someone. Rather, Hinduism is found from the inside. Hinduism is a yearning vibration that can only be satisfied by finding and practicing Sanātana Dharma, the Eternal Truth. For me, Hinduism is none other than my own integrity, ever urging me on. On November 1, 1992, I became a member of Śaiva Siddhānta Church. I continue to make changes on the outside to match the unfolding truth and beauty from within. §

Damara Shanmugan, 53, lives in La Mesa California with her 80-year-old mother. She became a Hindu on July 12, 1992. Damara is the Founder of The SHIVA (Saivite Hindu Information for the Visually Assisted) Braille Foundation. She has also been teaching haṭha yoga in the San Diego area since 1993.§

From the Masonic Order and Roman Catholicism

How Our Quiet Life in Alaska Was Turned Inside Out When We Vacationed to Hawaii. By Shyamadeva and Peshanidevi Dandapani.

In February of 1994 we decided to take a relaxing vacation somewhere in the warm sunshine without a busy sightseeing schedule. Kauai presented itself in a roundabout way, and since we had visited Hawaii before (although not Kauai) it seemed to meet our needs. The roundabout got us to Kapaa, where we stayed at the Islander on the Beach. §

Three days into our vacation we went into the Lazarus Used Bookstore, where Peshanidevi, my wife, began collecting books. She soon handed me a pile to purchase. On top was a copy of the second edition of Dancing with Śiva. I picked it up and looked at it, and on the back was a short biography and picture of the author, Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. Upon reading it, I said to my wife, “This author is right here on Kauai, and there is a temple here.” We bought our books and went back to the hotel.§

At this point we both seemed to be totally compelled, propelled and impelled to locate Gurudeva and the temple. We found a listing for Subramuniyaswami, Satguru Sivaya, in the local phone directory. There was also a phone listing for his Daily Sermonettes. We called, but there was no answer at the first number, so we called the Daily Sermonettes number and received darśana from Gurudeva for the very first time. After a few more attempts, Peshanidevi was able to talk with Yogi Rishinatha. She explained that we had found a copy of Gurudeva’s book in the bookstore and would like to come to the temple and asked what the proper protocols were for visiting the temple. He gave instructions on what sections to read and directions for coming to the temple the next morning at 9:00 for pūjā.§

We were both very excited the next morning as we drove up Kuamoo Road. With our Safeway flower bouquet in hand, we made our first walk up the path to the temple. Seeing the 16-ton black granite Nandi and the temple for the very first time was breathtaking. We washed our feet and entered the temple. It was beyond words. It was as if we had finally arrived back home after a long and arduous journey. Yogi very graciously welcomed us and guided us through the protocols, including prostrations to God and Gods. We sat down, the only two people in the temple that morning, as Ceyonswami began the pūjā. We did not know Sanskrit but somehow seemed to intuit the deeper beauty and meaning of the pūjā. Afterwards, we bought the newest edition of Dancing with Śiva and Living with Śiva. We purchased one of the tri-folds of Lord Gaṇeśa, Lord Murugan and Lord Śiva, plus postcards of the Deities, pamphlets and incense. We felt so alive that it was difficult to leave such an awesome experience and place. §

Upon arriving back at the room, we made a small shrine with our pictures and flowers and began reading. The next day we returned to the temple. And this time, after the pūjā Ceyonswami came out to talk with us. It was so incredible to be in his presence. He was so loving, gentle and kind. We told him about finding Gurudeva’s book and how we came to the temple. He explained some about Vedic astrology and asked if we would like to have our astrology done. We said, “Yes” and gave him our birth data. He said he would have it for us the next day. Again, we left dragging our feet, not wanting to leave the temple.§

After the pūjā the next day, Swami asked us if we would like to meet Gurudeva. Yes, of course! When? Wait here. We can remember feeling His loving energy before he walked through the curtain. We could feel the love. And then we fully prostrated to our beloved Gurudeva for the very first time. It was as if we had done it many, many times before. As he sat down in his chair, he looked at us and said, “I see you are dancing with Śiva.” At that moment we knew we had found our Guru, our Precious Preceptor, our Teacher. At that moment our lives were forever changed.§

Later Ceyonswami gave us our astrology and explained some of it to us. He also talked about becoming vegetarian, which we were not. He gave us a wonderful little pamphlet entitled, “How to Win an Argument with a Meat-Eater.” Unbeknownst to us, we had just become vegetarians. Our vacation had turned into a pilgrimage (in fact, it was the last vacation we have taken) and we had come back home to the Sanātana Dharma, the religion of our souls. During our two-week stay on Kauai, we received Gurudeva’s darśana three times. Each time we were amazed at the power and how much we enjoyed it.§

We left the island, full of both sadness and joy, and went home to Alaska. We set up a small shrine and every time we sat in the darśana of God, Gods and guru, we longed to return to Kauai and stay forever. We wanted to renounce the world to serve God and guru. That was not possible, but we did begin our first sādhanas in Himālayan Academy. In June we took our first three vrātas. §

We pilgrimaged back to Kauai in November of 1994 for Kṛittika Dīpam. We stayed with the Katir family in their bed and breakfast, and we really increased our learning curve. We met and began merging with the island Church families. This was another special homecoming and a magical time with Gurudeva. During this pilgrimage, we truly began to embrace the Sanātana Dharma and returned home to Alaska with more sādhanas, to talk to our family and friends about becoming Hindus, and to begin merging with the Hindu community in Anchorage. For the most part everyone was tolerant of our enthusiasm about becoming Hindus, but no one wanted more information.§

We had already leased out our house in preparation for moving to Kauai, so we rented an apartment and continued our studies and began the conversion and severance process with the most patient of kulapatis! Kulapati Deva Seyon gently nurtured us through this most intense time. It was our in-depth study to review our lives, to determine our true beliefs, where they came from and if they were still valid for us. There were many rewrites and surprises. We returned to our previous influences (myself to the Freemasons, and Peshanidevi to the Catholic Church), studying and participating with them again to be positive that we wanted to change our path. It was difficult to go back, because it did seem we were regressing. However, we knew that we were building a solid foundation on which to begin our new journey.§

We returned to Kauai for the Pañcha Silanyāsa Stone Laying ceremony in April of 1995. It was an incredible pilgrimage. To be back on Kauai, at the holy feet of our beloved satguru and at this most auspicious time in the evolution and manifestation of Iraivan Temple, was such a remarkable and life-changing time. We met and merged with more of Gurudeva’s global Church family, and we received our Hindu names, Shyamadeva Dandapani and Peshanidevi Dandapani. Such beautiful and long names! Gurudeva instructed us to legally change our names and to sever from our former religions by going back and fully embracing our former beliefs and writing a point-counterpoint for each one of them.§

I returned to the Masonic Lodge and fully embraced Freemasonry for the next thirty days. I attended the lodge and participated fully in all its ceremonies and rituals. Everyone was glad to see me return, as it had been a few years since I had last attended lodge. At the end of the thirty days, I was completely convinced that I no longer held the inherent beliefs of the Masonic Order. Even with all the years of being a very active Mason—and my father also being a very well-known Mason—I knew it was neither my belief nor my path. The Masons say, “Once a Mason, always a Mason.” The only way to sever the vows was to become a self-imposed apostate. I prepared a letter declaring that I was a self-imposed apostate to the Masonic vows and beliefs, and that I was converting fully to Śaivite Hinduism. I read the following letter in open lodge before all the members present and a copy was given to the secretary to be recorded into the minutes of the meeting on June 8, 1995, at Kenai Lodge No. 11. §

To: The Worshipful Master, Wardens, Officers and Members of Kenai Lodge No. 11§

“I am here to terminate my Masonic membership as a self-imposed apostate. Apostasy means “an abandoning of what one has believed in, as a faith, cause, principles, etc.” I am abandoning, and I have already abandoned, my former Masonic, Biblical and Christian beliefs. I do this of my own free will and accord and with a full understanding of the principles, landmarks, tenets and beliefs of Freemasonry. I also realize that taking this step will terminate my membership in all Masonic concordant bodies. My decision is made with the application of the strictest ethical principles of honesty and integrity. It is why I have chosen to do this in person at a stated communication of this Lodge. This is a personal decision. It is the spiritual path I have chosen to live. If I did not do this, I firmly believe it would affect my spiritual unfoldment as a Hindu. ¶I accept the finality of my decision. I would expect from this day forward to no longer have any privileges as a Mason. I have made my decision and will live by it. In fact, my decision to become a Śaivite Hindu includes adopting a Hindu name. Yesterday the Kenai Superior Court approved my legal name change to my new Hindu name, Shyamadeva Dandapani. It will be official in approximately thirty days. ¶In closing, I want each of you to know that this is my sole decision. It does not nor should it ever reflect on any member of my family or any member of this Lodge. I also want you to know that I acknowledge all the goodness that your friendship has brought into my life over the years. I am thankful to each and every one of you, for it has helped guide me on my path as a seeker of the Truth. I sincerely wish each and every one of you the very best that this life has to offer.”§

The only question came from the secretary, who asked, “Are you sure you do not want a demit?” to which I replied, “I am sure.” I remained until the Lodge closed. Afterwards, a number of the members came up and wished me well on my path. I felt a great sense of relief and release. §

Peshanidevi returned to the Midwest to attend mass and meet with the priest who had given her instructions for being baptized a Catholic. He had continued as a personal friend for some thirty years, even though she had not practiced that religion since her divorce in 1971. Two hours of discussion did not produce a letter of release, because he said, “Once a Catholic, always a Catholic.” He took it very personally but promised a letter to follow. A month later it arrived (p. 54). The fire was strong but the bond was broken. §

We applied for our legal name change and announced it in the newspapers. We made our court appearance, and the judge asked why we were doing it and if there was anyone in the court that objected. We told him for religious conversion to Hinduism, and no one objected. The whole process took less than five minutes and would become effective in thirty days. Gurudeva then blessed us with the news that we would have our nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra at Satguru Pūrṇimā. We were overwhelmed with his love and blessing.§

On the auspicious day of July 9, 1995, in Kadavul Hindu Temple we made the irrevocable step of having our nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. We felt the blessings of Lord Śiva and Gurudeva pour forth on us as we sat before God, Gods and Gurudeva and took this momentous, life-changing step onto the perfect path back to the lotus feet of our loving Lord Śiva. We “declared of our own volition acceptance of the principles of the Sanātana Dharma, and having severed all previous non-Hindu religious affiliations, attachments and commitments, hereby humbly petition entrance in the Śaivite Hindu religion through the traditional nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra and plead for recognition of this irrevocable conversion to Śaivite Hinduism.” Thank you, Śiva! Thank you, Gurudeva! We had come home to the religion of our souls. We experienced so much love, joy and emotion during the nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra. And it affirmed our beliefs that we are Śaivite souls and that we had been with Gurudeva in previous lives.§

The fire of conversion was really roaring once we made our legal name change and nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra official in the newspapers and by mailing out a few hundred personal announcements to our parents, family, relatives, friends, clients and business associates. We mailed them the following announcement on a card with a beautiful Tamil Aum on the front: “To our dear family, friends, business associates, clients and customers: Eighteen months ago, Ron and Francine Moore went on a Hawaiian vacation to Kauai. While shopping in Kapaa at Lazarus Used Bookstore, we found the book, Dancing with Śiva, by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. Since that moment our lives have forever changed. We discovered that Gurudeva, as he is affectionately known, was right there on Kauai. We located the Kadavul Hindu Temple. We attended the worship service. We had the privilege to meet Gurudeva. We knew we had found the religion of our souls and a preceptor to guide us on the path. ¶We have just completed our ethical conversion to Śaivite Hinduism and this is our announcement of that momentous event. We feel very grateful to live in a country that allows freedom of religion. We thank God and all of you for your love, understanding and support. We will be happy to assist anyone with pronunciations or to answer questions. Shyamadeva Dandapani (formerly known as Ronald Hance Moore) and Peshanidevi Dandapani (formerly known as Francine McPherson Moore) at a nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra (name-giving sacrament) held at their request on the auspicious day of July 9, 1995, at the Kadavul Hindu Temple on the Garden Island of Kauai, were duly given their Hindu names in accordance with the traditions of Śaivite Hinduism. They have made this irrevocable conversion to Śaivite Hinduism, and they respectfully request everyone to use their new names in all instances from this day forward. Their new names have been legally changed by the courts and became effective July 7, 1995. The phonetic pronunciation is She-ah-ma-day-va Dawn-duh-pa-nee and Pay-shaw-nee-day-vee Dawn-duh-pa-nee.”§

The name change seemed to make our conversion very real to others, and many were quite alarmed. Our daughter was visibly frightened to enter our shrine room, and she forbid her young children to spend the night with us anymore. She was willing to use our new names and said that whatever we wanted to do was okay, but it was not for her. She would not accept any literature from us or talk about Hinduism. The two sons said about the same but were less rigid. My parents and siblings felt total rejection because of the family name, and they disowned us. They said that if their name was not good enough for us, then they had no son and daughter. Peshanidevi’s parents are deceased, but she had been like an adopted daughter to my parents for years. My wife’s grandmother and her brother were the only family members who were really happy for us. And they showed it by immediately beginning to learn how to pronounce and then use our new names. In my work, a few close friends fully accepted our new names and life without question. However, there was a period of about one year where I received a lot of fire and testing. §

Many Śaiva Siddhānta Church members had shared their stories of conversion with us, so we were a little bit prepared. We felt so strongly in what we were doing, that we could continue on our path with love and joy. Life with Gurudeva just gets better and better, and there is so much more. Now we knew why we were here and where we were going. We thank you, Gurudeva, from the lotus of our hearts for all your gifts and blessings.§

Shyamadeva and Peshanidevi Dandapani, both age 54, live in Wailua, Hawaii on the island of Kauai. Shyamadeva is a commercial real estate broker specializing in site acquisitions and leasing for local, regional and national real estate clients. Peshanidevi is a domestic goddess and homemaker.§

From the Sister Faith of Taoism

My New Hindu Name was Perhaps the Biggest Hurdle for My Chinese-American Family. By Indivar Sivanathan.

In retrospect, one can look at the journey of discovering why we are here, how we will get there, and appreciate the “chance” happenings, the signs, that have brought us to the present. For me the search really began in adolescence, and the awareness of being a religious seeker came in my early twenties. After meeting Gurudeva for the first time, and receiving my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra several years later, I finally felt as if I had come home. §

Early life was growing up in Hawaii in the 1950s and 60s. My parents are second-generation Chinese-American, and we were raised with a grandmother, uncles, aunts and lots of cousins. Father and Mother did not believe in imposing religious beliefs on their children; consequently no formal religion was taught at home. However there were small observances around births, deaths, auspicious and inauspicious times, and paying homage to our departed grandparents. §

My mother would recount stories and beliefs held by her parents, about spirits, the nature of people by reading their faces, and myriad other observances about how to live life. We had one uncle who was a Southern Baptist! After his constant insistence we attend Sunday School, Mother finally assented. I remember sitting in the pulpit while the pastor was preaching at the top of his lungs that we were all “born in sin” and were “dirty” and “bad.” Fortunately as a four-year old I thought, “I haven’t done anything wrong” and dismissed the sermon. After sitting in the psalm singing group later, I definitely decided all this was not for me. Fortunately my parents did not force or encourage future visits to the church.§

Then the university experience: humanism, existentialism, self-expression in the 1960s and getting as much experience as one can; then living in Europe and then becoming clear that this pursuit of experience for its own sake was a dead-end street. Perhaps the soul was starting to push itself forward, beginning thoughts of changing my life and direction entirely. §

The first thing was to live a pure life, so I decided to become a vegetarian. The next was to start studying with a good teacher. But where to start? At this time came two inner-plane dreams, one taking place in Zürich, Switzerland. An elephant was running through town, its mahout unable to control him. Seeing him charge toward me, I projected a thought to him, and he answered rather humorously. He then hoisted me up on his back with his trunk and carried me around the lake which surrounds the town. §

In December of the same year the Śaiva Siddhānta Church conducted an Innersearch Study Program on the Big Island of Hawaii. One very chilly morning we gathered in a room where a picture of a being with an elephant’s head and a human body was displayed. I thought, “My God, what have I gotten myself into!” and in a split second remembered the dream in Zürich. It was then I realized our Great Lord Gaṇeśa had brought me to this point, and would always be there for me. §

After the dreams in Switzerland, a major chapter of my life was coming to an end. Many of the aspirations and self-propelled ambitions had come to naught. At my lowest point, I was fortunate to have a session with a psychic healer (Betty Bethards) who had just returned from Hawaii where she had visited a mystical bookstore. She read material written by a “white-haired man” who had an āśrama on Kauai. She said the books were “right on” and suggested I start studying there, as “he wasn’t very high” (chuckle). §

After reading The Clear White Light and other “On the Path” books by Gurudeva, wonderful inner things began to happen. On January 5, 1974, I met him for the first time, and the connection was cemented. §

When students were informed that in order to continue studying with Gurudeva and the reasons for doing so, like many others who were born and raised in a non-Hindu culture, all the anxieties and fears of disassociation came up to the forefront: loss of friends, strained work relations because of being thought different, not to mention the same happening in one’s family. §

Interestingly, Gurudeva had to tell me what religion I had to sever from: Taoism. Fortunately a Ta Chiao Festival of Renewal was being conducted in Honolulu at that time, so there was an opportunity to experience religious practices directly. My “advisor” was a Catholic Sicilian-born professor of Chinese Religion at the University of Hawaii. What was discovered were the similarities between Taoism and Hinduism, in ritual as well as in approach and attitude. The Taoist scripture being followed by the priest was in Sanskrit. Mudrās were used to communicate with the Gods. The Hawaiian Deities were propitiated to accept the Taoist Gods. There were guardians of the eight directions. There was no sermonizing in the temples, and the resident priests facilitated interaction between the Gods and people by performing rituals, burning prayers and translating the responses through their psychic vision and hearing. §

The process of comparing the two religions done, it was necessary to speak to my parents and convince my mother that changing my name was not a repudiation of the family, but accepting an identity which felt closer to me than my given name. While on a walk with Mother I tried to explain that I never felt comfortable with my own name, and she became even more hurt. Finally I reminded her she had changed her own Chinese name to a Western one. When she replied, “That was different,” I blurted out, “If I had your name, I would have changed it, too!” She laughed, as her Cantonese name was less than melodic. §

After that, everything went smoothly. Back in 1980 we chose names from a very long list. I picked three first names and some last names and asked friends to call me by them. The combination which felt right and flowed together nicely was the one chosen. All was approved for the ceremony on Mahāśivarātri night in February of 1980 at Kadavul Temple on Kauai. All in all, the process of entering the Hindu religion for me was more one of acceptance rather than the “burning by fire” that comes from a difficult severance. This was probably because of Taoism being so similar to Hinduism, my being raised in an Oriental family, and in the more tolerant environment of Hawaii, where so many beliefs and cultures blend together.§

Indivar Sivanathan, 52, lives in Bend, Oregon, where she is a photographer, primarily of architecture and interiors. She entered Hinduism formally on February 14, 1980.§

Being Refused Communion Was the Test

I Felt the Catholic Angels Withdraw When I Said “I No Longer Believed In Jesus as the Son of God.” By Aran Sendan.

I was in the process of formally converting from Roman Catholicism to Hinduism, having done my point-counterpoint belief comparisons between the two religions and having gone back to the Catholic Church to try practicing that faith again.§

I had resolved that, yes, indeed I felt more comfortable with Hindu beliefs than those of Catholicism or Christianity. I needed a clean break with Catholicism, so went back to Sacred Heart Church, the parish in which I was baptized, confirmed and received my first holy communion. I had an appointment with the monsignor and met with him in the rectory office. It was a old room, filled with glass-doored bookcases piled up with books and papers. The desk was a jumble of more books and papers as well.§

I would have preferred a frank and rational discussion along the lines of the point-counterpoint; I was ready for that, but we were not going there. He was a little non-plussed by my statements, like it really wasn’t happening, and said that, well, Buddhists or whatever were good people, too, and if I wanted to study, that it was alright with him. I insisted that he write “declared apostate” next to my name in the Parish record book where my baptism, confirmation and first holy communion dates were recorded. He wouldn’t do it, but allowed me to. I wrote “declared apostate” and dated it. I left the meeting a little unsatisfied by the interaction and felt that I needed to do something else.§

I decided to attend mass the next morning and went up to the communion rail where the same priest was giving out holy communion to the faithful. It seemed to me that his faith would prevent him from giving me holy communion and thus my point would be made. At the rail he asked if I “believed in Jesus Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind.” I said that I didn’t and that he couldn’t give me holy communion. At that moment it became real. I could feel the Catholic angels withdrawing from me, as clearly as I could feel the wind. I now understood Catholicism better than I had ever understood it before. It isn’t a religion of belief. It’s a religion of faith, and clearly not my faith. I was no longer a Catholic.§

Aran Sendan, 50, is a builder and general contractor in El Sobrante, California. He and his wife Valli entered Hinduism formally on February 14, 1980.§

At Home in Hinduism

Attending a Guru Pūjā, I Knew Without Doubt That I Was a Hindu. By Chamundi Sabanathan.

I first met Gurudeva just over 32 years ago, in 1967, at the age of 19, having married one of his devotees and begun my study and practice of The Master Course. My background to that point had been nonreligious. My father was an unconfirmed Presbyterian, my mother an unconfirmed Episcopalian, and neither a church-goer. In my teen years, out of curiosity, I had accompanied several of my friends to their respective churches—Catholic, Baptist, Presbyterian, and a Jewish synagogue—but had felt no sense of recognition in any of them. It was like staring blankly at a piece of modern art and wondering, “Why?”§

During those years, though, I was also avidly reading whatever books I could find that dealt with the Eastern religions. These—especially the Upanishads and the Dhammapada—awakened in me a strong sense of recognition, a feeling of rightness.§

Oddly enough, although I had expected to feel Gurudeva’s presence very powerfully on meeting him, this did not happen at first, which disturbed me deeply. It wasn’t until that first wonderful pādapūjā (ceremonial worship of his holy feet) in San Francisco that I knew beyond doubt that I was a Hindu. I had read about pādapūjā before. I had known that after the guru’s feet are ceremonially bathed, the devotees are offered the water to drink—and I had worried that when that time came I might react in a Western way. Indeed, doubtless to make things easier for any who did feel reluctant, Gurudeva sort of chuckled and told us, “You don’t have to drink it; I didn’t wash them.” §

But far from feeling any reluctance, I was completely overcome with the feeling one might have upon reaching an oasis after wandering for days—a lifetime, in this case—without water in the desert. At that point I knew I was a Hindu and that Gurudeva was my satguru, although it was not until years later that my husband and I were actually able to take our family to Kadavul Hindu Temple in Hawaii and have our nāmakaraṇa saṁskāras. §

Chamundi Sabanathan, 52, lives with her daughter and son-in-law and their three home-schooled children in Santa Rosa, California. She was accepted into Hinduism through the nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra on Mahāśivaratri, March 4, 1981 at Kadavul Hindu Temple.§

Constant Nourishment and Solace

I Took up Gurudeva’s Hindu Teachings as a Teen and Entered the Faith at Age 25. By Shama Vinayaga.

I first learned about Gurudeva when I was about sixteen years old. A group of my girl friends ordered The Master Course and started listening to it every Friday, at which time we also started doing haṭha yoga. We had no religious foundation at this time and were blundering along.§

However, it was not until I was almost twenty that I decided to go to Hawaii and meet Gurudeva. A friend came with me. We stayed in the outdoor cabins on the Mauna Kea hillside on the Big Island, attended daily pūjās and started studying Shūm, the language of meditation. You can imagine my shock and surprise when the winter air descended on the Mauna Kea slopes. I thought that I was coming to Hawaii. I was warmer back home in the Canadian North. After two weeks of a very arduous schedule, we flew to Kauai to meet Gurudeva. The daily pūjās had reached deep into my soul, and I felt that I was starting to climb out of an abyss. Upon arrival on Kauai, we attended a pūjā at the Kadavul Hindu Temple. The Śiva Naṭarāja Deity was the only icon there at that time, and it was housed in a small shelter with a thick white sand floor. The pūjās were extremely powerful and drew me inward.§

However, nothing compared to my meeting with dear, sweet Gurudeva. I was sitting with a group of ladies on the grass outside the temple when Gurudeva came along. He commented on the group of flowers ornating the lawn. It was at this time that I was blessed with Gurudeva’s presence, the śaktipāta from a realized soul and satguru. It was a gift that I will always cherish.§

The years ahead proved to be very arduous, as I was forced to face myself again and again. My belief structure had to be reformatted. I became a vegetarian, and I had to learn to combat instinctive desires. §

After many years of doing regular pūjā and sādhana, I was able to have my nāmakaraṇa saṁskāra at the Kadavul Hindu Temple. I was almost twenty-five years old. The after effects of the ceremony permeated the depths of my being. The congregation sang “Śaṅkara Śiva.” To this day, when I sing this song I feel as if I have come home.§

The Hindu religion has given me constant nourishment and solace. It has given me the strength to face seed karmas. It has magically lifted me up again and again. There are no words to express the gratitude that I feel to Gurudeva, the philosophy and the Gods. There is no doubt in my mind that Hinduism is the root religion. It feels so ancient and yet so close. §

I pray that I will always have the humility to move forward in the San Mārga path, that I will have the courage to face myself at all times and that I will be able to slowly build my inner temple while maintaining a spirit of upliftment toward each human being that I may encounter—none of which I could begin to do without the guidance of Gurudeva Sivaya Subramuniyaswami.§

Shama Vinayaga, 46, is a Compliance Officer at Wainwright Credit Union Ltd. in Wainwright, Alberta, Canada. She became a Hindu on January 5, 1979. §

Breaking the Idol Barrier

How the Hindu Way of Worship Changed My Life. By Rudite J. Emir.

I grew up in a Christian family. Not only was it Christian, it was Protestant. Protestants tend to be austere in their ritualism and in their portrayal of holy images. The typical church holds a cross, perhaps a statue or painting of Christ. Stained glass windows may depict the life of Christ or of his apostles—that is all. The Catholic propensity for richer symbolism was viewed through my Protestant family’s eyes as a strange kind of extravagance, colored by a touch of something almost pagan. I remember looking skeptically at Catholics kneeling in front of statues of saints and burning candles by their images to invoke their blessings. §

That’s the kind of mind that came in contact with the religious thought and culture of the Hindus. Around the age of sixteen the impact of spiritual India began to enter my life. The influence came first through contemplative literature—the poetry of Rabindranāth Tagore, the Bhagavad Gītā, and the Upanishads. Though they touched my heart and initiated new stirrings deep within, still, the heart was not blasted wide open. I had not yet met my guru.§

Then I met Gurudev, Swami Chinmayananda. I was twenty-six, with an unappeased hunger that had begun ten years earlier and had still not been satisfied. Swāmījī blasted my heart wide open as his love-drenched intellect pierced through my rational mind to reach the sanctuary within.§

Around that time the symbolic and ritual aspect of Hindu worship also became known to me through bhajanas and kīrtana, prostrations to the teacher, receiving of prasāda from the hands of the guru, and the first tentative, uncertain, yet strangely overpowering experiences with a pādapūjā, worship of the guru’s sandals. Still, the Protestant in me affirmed, “I am a Vedāntin, not a Hindu. The ritualistic aspect of the spiritual search is for the Hindu, not for me, a Westerner. I am striving for the essence behind the symbol; the symbol itself I can forego.” §

My first trip to India, about ten years after I had met Swāmījī, included a few unforgettable visits to temples and some dutiful prostrations in front of idols. I did it out of respect for the spiritual traditions of a country I had grown to revere and out of my intellectual appreciation that each symbol stood for a deeper meaning behind it. But the Protestant in me still persisted in her protest against worship of inanimate stone and wood. §

In the fall of 1987 I had the good fortune to participate in a Chinmāyā Spiritual Camp at Sidhabari, Himachal Pradesh, at the foothills of the Himālayas. The spiritually charged setting, the meditative stillness of the Himālayas, left my mind in awe. One morning after meditation I found myself walking toward the temple. After doing my pranāms in front of the idols in the sanctuary, I followed the other worshipers to the rear of the temple. I must confess I had no idea what I might find there. As I turned the corner, my eyes fell upon a wooden image of Gaṇeśa. A blast of overpowering emotion almost pushed me to the ground. I was reeling inside. Lord Gaṇeśa, through the idol, had just come alive for me. In fact, He had caught me totally unawares, had taken me by surprise by this unexpectedly powerful announcement of His undeniable presence. “Lord Gaṇeśa, what have You done? Of all the idols that I had contemplated upon in my intellectual studies of Hindu symbolism, You of all the many Deities left me quizzical and wondering—You with the strange animal head, the bloated belly, the broken tusk. I could never take You seriously. I wondered how so many Hindus could. And now, what have You done? Among the bevy of beautiful, statuesque, inspiring images of Hindu Gods, dear Lord, You chose to speak to me through the strange, even comical, form of Gaṇeśa!”§

I left the temple as though struck by a bolt of lightning. My mind later pondered over what had transpired. Perhaps my encounter with Gaṇeśa was simply the extension of a fulfilling hour of contemplation that had ended just moments before my visit to the temple. The experience would most likely not be repeated. The next day I decided to test the previous day’s newfound reality. As I rounded the corner toward the back of the temple, I found myself talking to Gaṇeśa, half-reverently, half-jokingly (as He had left me with a very intimate, slightly jovial feeling of His presence the day before): “Gaṇeśa, will You really be there for me again? Will you assert Your reality through the dead image of carved wood? Go ahead, prove it to me!” He did it again. And again and again, for many days afterward. §

The Protestant in me no longer protests. How can she? Not only does Gaṇeśa speak to me through the idol now, He has also proven His presence as the Remover of Obstacles for me. On my return trip from Sidhabari, I had no train reservations. Gathered in a huddle on the station platform, my friends were valiantly trying to persuade the railway personnel to allow me to use a ticket unused by another passenger. In vain. The conductor’s face remained stern; his head continued to shake in an adamant “No!” Departure time was approaching fast. By the minute, it looked less and less likely that I would reach New Delhi in time to meet Swāmījī when he arrived there. Only one thing to do. “Gaṇeśa!” I cried in my mind, “You must come to help me now! Remove this obstacle!” The very instant I shouted those words in my mind, a smile broke across the conductor’s face. “OK,” he said, “we’ll arrange for a seat.”§

The Protestant protests no more. §

The idol barrier has been broken.§

You may wonder if I took the step of converting to Hinduism. The answer is that I did not. I feel more of a universalist than a Hindu, although, through Vedānta, Hinduism became very close to my heart. I don’t feel that I have fully severed my ties with my Christian roots, nor have I through my study of Vedānta disallowed loving, for instance, Rumi’s intense love for God and worshiping Him through Rumi’s poems. I see myself as someone who has a universal outlook on spirituality, with openness to many of the great religions of the world (which I have learned to understand from a deeper perspective through Vedānta), but with a particular love for Hinduism because of my many years of study with my guru from India.§

Rudite Emir lives in Los Altos, California. She conducts business workshops incorporating the principles of Vedānta into business management.§

An Unexpected Life-Changing Pūjā

How the Goddess Captured Me Forever. By Stephen P. Huyler.

I had been to Padmapoda, a village in eastern India, a number of times previously to visit the family of a close friend. Each time, I was taken to see the sacred tree that embodies the local Goddess, Gelubai, the Deity of the community. But this visit brought an unprecedented honor: being allowed to witness the ceremony of invocation in which the dynamic power of the supreme Goddess Chandi was requested. It was a very special ritual, enacted on rare occasions to implore the aid of the Goddess in overcoming a difficult domestic problem. The entire ritual had already taken two priests two hours: preparing and dressing the image of the Goddess, drawing a sacred diagram upon the ground, building a fire on it, and feeding that fire with clarified butter (ghee), all the while singing Her names and praises. As a middle-aged cultural anthropologist and art historian who had already spent more than half my life studying India, I prided myself with my objectivity. I might feel empathy toward a particular subject or situation, but as a scholar I tried to distance myself, to observe and take notes.§

Despite my resistance at that moment, as the fire flared brightly and the spirit of the Goddess was invoked to enter the tree and be available to the village, I actually felt Her presence. I felt a change in the atmosphere: a palpable sense of power, pulsating, vibrating energy, the strength of which I had never before sensed. I was completely surprised, overwhelmed beyond any expectation. In that one moment I, who had come as an observer, had become a participant.§

That insight altered and enriched my perception, allowing me to release decades of self-identity as an objective outsider. My personal and professional life was changed. I was transformed.§

I have always found the Indian people to be remarkably hospitable, opening their hearts and their lives to me with generous candor. People have always invited me into their homes, to witness and share in their private lives and feelings. I have been fascinated by Hindu spirituality, by the ways in which conscious awareness of the Divine permeates every aspect of daily and seasonal life. But for a young American raised in a strong Christian family, much of it seemed obtuse and confusing.§

Now when I am invited to attend a sacred ceremony, I no longer withhold myself in critical appraisal. I am fully present. I realize my earlier distance was merely the consequence of my own limitations. The many Indians I have interacted with always invited my full participation. For years it was I who held myself apart. My Western heritage and my unconscious miscomprehension of image worship blinded me from deeper understanding. Now I can admire and even be in awe of the ways in which the sacred permeates the lives of the Hindu people, while still maintaining strong attachments to my own home, family, friends, culture and ideals. Awareness of one only enriches awareness of the other.§

Long before I knew what was happening, I was being offered a deep trust. By opening their homes and their hearts to me, in sharing their private, personal and sacred thoughts with me, countless individuals in India have consciously and unconsciously made me an emissary. I understand now that I can serve as a bridge between two cultures. I have long felt the deep need to set aright the extraordinary imbalance of Western opinions of India. Projections assert that India will be a leading world power within the next few decades. It is remarkable that as India modernizes, as her people grow into leading proponents of an innovative and contemporary world, their sense of religion and spirituality is not diminished. Hinduism is still as vital to the lives of the Indian people as it has ever been. It is a belief system in complete harmony with change, adaptation, modernization and growth. §

Stephen P. Huyler is an art historian, cultural anthropologist and photographer, living in Camden, Maine. §

How I Became a Hindu

The Story of My Rejection of Communism, Existentialism, Catholicism and Materialism. By Sita Ram Goel— Excerpts From His Book, “How I Became a Hindu.”

I was born a Hindu. But I had ceased to be one by the time I came out of college at the age of twenty-two. I had become a Marxist and a militant atheist. I had come to believe that Hindu scriptures should be burnt in a bonfire if India was to be saved. It was fifteen years later that I could see this culmination as the explosion of an inflated ego. During those years of self-poisoning, I was sincerely convinced that I was engaged in a philosophical exploration of cosmic proportions.§

How my ego got inflated to a point where I could see nothing beyond my own morbid mental constructions is no exceptional story. It happens to many of us mortals. What is relevant in my story is the seeking and the suffering and the struggle to break out of that spider’s web of my own weaving. I will fit in the filaments as I proceed.§

My earliest memory of an awakening to interests other than those with which a young boy is normally occupied goes back to when I was eight years old. My family was living in Calcutta. My father was a total failure as a broker in the jute goods market. But he was a great storyteller. He could hardly be called an educated person, having spent only two or three years in a village school. But he had imbibed a lot of the traditional lore by attending kathās and kīrtanas in his younger days. His knowledge of Hindu mythology, legendary heroes and the lives of saints was prolific.§

One fine evening he started telling me the lengthy and complex story of the Mahābhārata. The narrative lasted for more than a month, each installment lasting over an hour or so. I absorbed every event and episode with rapt attention and bated breath. The sheer strength of some of the characters as they strode across the story lifted me up and above the humdrum of everyday life and made me dwell in the company of immortals.§

The Arya Samaj of my young days in the village had three main themes to which they devoted the largest part of their programs—the Muslims, the Sanātanis, the Purāṇas. The Muslims were portrayed as people who could not help doing everything that was unwholesome. The Sanātani brāhmins, with their priestcraft, were the great misleaders of mankind. And the Purāṇas, concocted by the Sanātanis, were the source of every superstition and puerile tradition prevalent in Hindu society.§

There was not much of traditional Sanātanism in my family, due to the influence of Sri Garibdas, a saint in the nirguṇa tradition of Kabir and Nanak. Our women did keep some fasts, performed some rituals and visited the temple and the Śivaliṅga. But the menfolk were mostly convinced about the futility of image worship and did not normally participate in any rituals. The brāhmin priest was not seen in our homes, except on occasions like marriage and death. The great religious event in our family was the patha of the Granth Saheb performed by Garibdasi sādhus who stayed with us for weeks at a time. I remember very vividly how lofty a view I took of my own nirguṇa doctrines and how I looked down upon my classmates from Sanātanist families whose ways I thought effeminate. I particularly disliked their going to the annual mela (festival) of a Devī in a neighboring town. God for me was a male person. Devī worship was a defilement of the true faith.§

But as my moral and intellectual life was preparing to settle down in a universe of firm faith provided by Mahātma Gandhi, my emotional life was heading towards an upheaval which I had not anticipated. Let me hasten to clarify that this upheaval had nothing to do with love or romance. The dimensions of this disturbance were quite different. I started doubting, first of all slowly and then rather strongly, if there was a moral order in the universe at large and in the human society in which I lived. The sages, saints and thinkers whom I had honored so far were sure that the world was made and governed by a God who was Satyam (Truth), Śivam (Good), Sundaram (Beauty). But all around me I saw much that was untrue, unwholesome and ugly. God and His creation could not be reconciled.§

This problem of evil arose and gripped my mind, partly because of my personal situation in life. In spite of my pose of humility, learned from Mahatma Gandhi, I was harboring a sense of great self-esteem. I was a good student who had won distinctions and scholarships at every stage. I had read a lot of books, which made me feel learned and wise. I was trying to lead a life of moral endeavor, which I thought made me better than most of my fellow men. Standing at the confluence of these several streams of self-esteem, I came to believe that I was somebody in particular and that the society in which I lived owed me some special and privileged treatment. All this may sound ridiculous. But people who take themselves too seriously are seldom known for a sense of humor.§

My objective situation, however, presented a stark contrast to the subjective world in which I loved to live. I was very poor and had to lead a hard life. My learning, whatever it was worth, did not seem to impress anyone except my teachers and a few classmates. Most people around me thought that I was a bookworm and a crank. My interest in Arya Samaj, the freedom movement and Harijan uplift had alienated the family elders in the village. I had even suffered physical assault from one of them. But the unkindest cut of all was that whenever I visited the home of some city classmate who liked me, his family people made it a point to ignore me as a village bumpkin outside the ken of their class. I was always so poorly dressed as to be mistaken for one of their servants. It took me a long time to forget and forgive the father of a close friend who chided his son in my presence for having fallen into bad company; I did not know at that time that our upper classes are normally very uppish and that their culture and good manners are generally reserved for their social superiors.§

Over a period of time, I found that I was getting overwhelmed by a great sense of loneliness and self-pity. This black mood got intensified by my voluminous readings of the great tragedies from Western literature. Thomas Hardy was one of my most favorite novelists. I read almost all his works. The comedies of Shakespeare I always gave up midway. But I lapped up his tragedies. I knew by heart all the soliloquies of Hamlet. And I thought that my situation was summed up by the following stanza in Grey’s Elegy: “Full many a gem of purest ray serene, the dark unfathomed caves of ocean bear; full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its sweetness on the desert air.” I was sure that I was one of those gems and flowers which would never get the appreciation they deserved by virtue of their brilliance and fragrance. I translated the whole poem into Hindi verse.§

My mental defenses in support of Gandhism were giving way one by one under assault after assault mounted by a philosopher friend whom I loved as a remarkable human being and to whom I conceded a superiority of intellect and knowledge. But I refused to share his conviction that this world was created and controlled by the Devil, who off and on spread some grains of happiness over his net in order better to trap the helpless human beings. I was not prepared to give up all hope so fully and finally. But the evolutionistic explanation of the world, inanimate and animate, which I had read in H. G. Wells’ Outline of History a year or two before, now suddenly started coming alive in my consciousness. So far I had remembered only some unconventional observations made in this big book, namely, that Ashoka was the greatest king in the annals of human history, and that Alexander and Napoleon were criminals. Now I started wondering whether this world was really a chance concourse of atoms with no purposive consciousness leading it towards a godly goal and no moral order governing at the heart of its matrix.§

Now I was in a desperate hurry to get a good knowledge of the doctrine of socialism. It was prescribed reading also for my next year’s course in the history of Western political thought. But I did not want to wait till the next year. §

A desire to read Karl Marx now became irresistible. First, I read the Communist Manifesto. It was simply breathtaking in the breadth and depth of its sweep over vast vistas of human history. It was also a great call to action, to change the world and end exploitation and social injustice for all time to come.§

At the same time I concluded that God as a creator of this world could be conceived only in three ways—either as a rogue who sanctioned and shared in the roguery prevalent in his world, or as an imbecile who could no more control what he had created, or as a sannyāsin, who no more cared for what was happening to his creatures. If God was a rogue, we had to rise in revolt against his rule. If he was an imbecile, we could forget him and take charge of the world ourselves. And if he was a sannyāsin, he could mind his business while we minded our own. The scriptures, however, held out a different version of God and his role. That version was supported neither by experience nor by logic. The scriptures should, therefore, be burned in a bonfire, preferably during winter when they could provide some warmth.§

Four years after leaving college, I was ready to join the Communist Party of India when it declared war on the newly born Republic of India in February, 1948. I conveyed my decision to my friend Ram Swarup, whom I had met after leaving college and who was to exercise a decisive influence on my intellectual evolution. He wrote back immediately: “You are too intelligent not to become a communist. But you are also too intelligent to remain one for long.”§

This was a prophecy which came true. It was only a year and a few months later that I renounced Marxism as an inadequate philosophy, realized that the Communist Party of India was a fifth column for the advancement of Russian Imperialism in India, and denounced the Soviet Union under Stalin as a vast slave empire.§

My encounter with Sri Aurobindo, on the other hand, came about almost inadvertently. I had heard his name from my father who extolled him as a great yogī. My father literally believed that Sri Aurobindo could levitate as much as five feet above ground. But I had never read anything written by Sri Aurobindo, nor was he on my list of masters whom I aspired to read some day. The intellectual elite in the college talked a lot about Spengler, Bergson, Marcel Proust, Bernard Shaw and Aldous Huxley. But I had never heard the name of Sri Aurobindo in this exclusive club.§

As I look back, I can see that the greater part of Sri Aurobindo’s vast vision as expounded in The Life Divine was beyond my grasp at that time. The heights to which he rose as a witness of the world process and the drama of human destiny left me literally gasping for breath. But this much was clear at the very start: that his concept of man had dimensions which were radically different from those I had come across in any other system of thought. He was not dealing with man as a producer and consumer of material goods. He was not dealing with man as a member of a social, political and economic organization. He was not dealing with man as a rational animal or a moral aspirant or an aesthete. Man was all these, according to him, but man was also much more at the same time. He was a soul, effulgent with an inherent divinity which alone could sustain and give meaning to the outer manifestations of the human personality. §

And the promise made by Sri Aurobindo regarding the ultimate destiny of the human race was far more stupendous than that held out by Marx. The international proletarian revolution anticipated and advocated by Marx was to lead to a stage at which mankind could engage itself in rational, moral and aesthetic endeavors, free from the distortions brought about by class interests. But the supramentalization of the mental, vital and physical nature of man envisaged and recommended by Sri Aurobindo would enable mankind to bridge the gulf between human life as a terrestrial turmoil and human life as a spiritual self-existence.§

The conceptual language I am using now to draw the distinction between Marx and Sri Aurobindo was not accessible to me in those days. Most of this clarity is wisdom by hindsight. But howsoever vague and inchoate my vision might have been at that time, I did feel that Sri Aurobindo was talking about fundamentally different dimensions of the universe and human life. The gulf between my mundane interests and the grand aspirations dictated by Sri Aurobindo’s vision was very wide, and I could hardly muster the care or the courage to cross over. But in the inner recesses of my mind, I did become curious about the nature of the universe, about man’s place in it and about a meaningful goal of human life.§

My problem now was to reconcile Sri Aurobindo with Marx, in that order. Marx, of course, came first. He was the exponent par excellence of the social scene with which I was primarily preoccupied as well as extremely dissatisfied. Sri Aurobindo had to be accommodated somewhere, somehow, in the system of Marx. The reconciliation was achieved by me several years later to my own great satisfaction. I came to the conclusion that while Marx stood for a harmonized social system, Sri Aurobindo held the key to a harmonized individual. The ridiculousness of this reconciliation did not dawn on me, even when a well known exponent of Sri Aurobindo, to whom I presented it as a triumphant intellectual feat, dismissed it with a benevolent smile. I dismissed the exponent as wise by half because while he had studied Sri Aurobindo, he had most probably not studied Marx, at least not so well as I had done.§

My plight was pretty serious after I left college. I was now a married man and the father of a son. There was a family to support, which included my parents in the village. But I had not a penny in my pocket. I gave up the only job I could get, as a clerk in the Central Secretariat, after exactly sixty-five days, because I was ashamed to be a cog in the British imperialist machine. My supreme aspiration was to be a lecturer in some college. But every interview to which I was called ended with the employers’ pointing out that I had no previous experience of teaching! §

I was present in the Second Party Conference of the Communist Party of India which was held in the Maidan at Calcutta in February, 1948. I was really thrilled and made up my mind to join the Party immediately. But Destiny was determined, as it were, to deny me that “honor” also. My friend Ram Swarup suddenly appeared on the scene and expressed his intention to stay with me for quite some time. It was his first visit to Calcutta. I was very happy because he was my nearest and dearest in the whole world. I did not know that Ram Swarup had by now come to regard communism as a very great evil threatening to engulf the future of mankind. There had been nothing in his letters to indicate this decisive turn. After I failed to put my three best communist friends against Ram Swarup, I had to face him myself and all alone. The discussions spread over several months. Most of the time I repeated party slogans, sometimes very vehemently. Ram Swarup dismissed them with a smile. §

One day in my exasperation I struck a superior attitude and said, “We find it difficult to come to any conclusion because I have a philosophical background while you proceed merely from economic, social and political premises.” Ram Swarup enquired what I meant by philosophy, and I rattled out the list which I had ready in my mind—Locke, Berkeley, Hume, Descartes, Spinoza, Leibnitz, Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer and so on. Ram Swarup told me that at one time or the other he had studied all of them but had found them irrelevant and useless. I was surprised as well as pained. Ram Swarup explained: “Suppose one knows this philosophical system or that. Does it make a better man out of him in any way? These systems are mere cerebrations and have little to offer towards practical purposes of life.” The word cerebration got stuck in my mind and made it impossible for me to read any abstract philosophy anymore. I had been very fond of Western metaphysics and epistemology till then. §

Finally, I was back to square one. My faith in Gandhism had lost the battle to Marxism. Now I was no longer a Marxist. I asked myself again and again: Where do I go from here?§

The business of life can go on very well without an ideological frame of reference. One reads books and papers and gossips and goes about passing conventional judgments on current events. One has a family, a vocation, a circle of friends and some hobbies to keep one occupied in leisure time. One grows old, collects his own share of diseases and looks back with anguish towards earlier times when one was young and active. For most of us ordinary mortals, this is the whole of human life. We take very seriously our successes and failures and our loves and hates, without spending a thought on what it is all about. §

Ram Swarup had tried his best to rescue me from the twin morass of a false self-esteem and a degrading self-pity. He had encouraged and assisted me with timely advice to take an impersonal interest in higher ideas and larger causes. As I shared his ideas and concern for social causes, I could not question his command for action. Now I was invited by him to join a group to serve the new values we shared with him. The cultural and political atmosphere in India had become over the years chock full with communist categories of thought. The main task we took upon ourselves was to expose communist categories of thought as inimical to human freedom, national cohesion, social health, economic development and political and cultural pluralism, to which we were wedded as a people. Simultaneously we went out to explode the myths about communist countries so that our people, particularly our national and democratic political parties, could see them as they were—totalitarian tyrannies with low standards of living and regimented culture. §

In due course, we became acutely aware of the progressive degeneration of politics in India. A similar degeneration was taking place on the international plane as well. In this atmosphere of declining political standards, we decided to withdraw our anti-communist campaign as we had conceived it to start with. We were convinced that a larger battle, couched along deeper cultural contours, was needed if the nation was to be saved from the corrosion of its soul.§

Ram Swarup was now becoming more and more meditative and reflective in his comments on the current political scene. He often talked of a cultural vacuum which communism was using to its own great advantage. Communism, he said, was deriving support from a deeper source, a new self-alienation amongst our political and cultural elite and advancing with the help of forces which on the surface seemed to be allied against communism. It was not our democratic polity alone which was under attack from communism. There were several other forces which had come together to suffocate and render sterile the deeper sources of India’s inherent strength.§

It was at this time that I fell seriously ill and lost a lot of weight, which I had never had in plenty. A Catholic missionary whom I had known earlier in connection with our anti-communist work, came to visit me. He was a good and kindly man and had a strong character. He had insisted upon his religious right to sell our anti-communist literature in melas and exhibitions in spite of his mission’s advice that this was no part of his ordained work and that, in any case, the government of India frowned upon it.§

The Father, as I called him, found me in a difficult condition, physically as well as financially. He felt sure that it was in such times that Jesus Christ came to people. He asked me if I was prepared to receive Jesus. I did not understand immediately that he was inviting me to get converted to Catholicism. My impression was that he wanted to help me with some spiritual exercises prescribed by Christianity. Moreover, I had always admired Jesus. I had, therefore, no objection to receiving him. Only I was doubtful if someone was really in a position to arrange my meeting with Jesus. But I became aware of the Father’s true intentions as I travelled with him to a distant monastery. He asked every other missionary he met on the way to pray for his success.§

At this monastery, which was a vast place with very picturesque surroundings, I was advised by the Father to go into a retreat. It meant my solitary confinement to a room. I was not supposed to look at or talk to anyone on my way to the bathrooms or while taking my morning and evening strolls on the extensive lawns outside. And I was to meditate on themes which the Father prescribed for me in the course of four or five lectures he delivered to me during the course of the day, starting at about 6:30 in those winter mornings. I was not used to this way of life. I had never lived in such solitude by my own choice. My only solace was that I was allowed to smoke and provided with plenty of books on the Christian creed and theology.§

I tried to read some of the books. But I failed to finish any one of them. They were full of Biblical themes and theological terminology with which I was not familiar. Most of the time they made me recall Ram Swarup’s observation about mere cerebration. §

Or they were simplistic harangues to love Christ and join the Catholic Church. They had a close similarity to communist pamphlets which I had read in plenty. The Father had asked me again and again to invoke Christ and meditate upon him. But he had not told me how to do it. I had no previous practice in meditation. I did not know how to invoke Christ, or any other godhead for that matter. All I could do was to think again and again of Christ preaching the “Sermon on the Mount” or saving an adulteress from being stoned to death.§

While delivering a lecture about creation, the Father said that God in his wisdom and kindness had made all these fishes and animals and birds for man’s consumption. I immediately rose in revolt. I told him very emphatically that I was a Vaishṇava and a vegetarian and that I had absolutely no use for a God that bestowed upon man the right to kill and eat His other creatures simply because man happened to be stronger and more skilled. I added that in my opinion it was the duty of the strong and the more skilled to protect the weak and the less wily.§

The Father also suddenly lost his self-possession. He almost shouted: “I can never understand you Hindus who go about seeking a soul in every lice and bug and cockroach that crawls around you. The Bible says in so many words that man is God’s highest creation. What is wrong with the higher ruling over the lower?”§

I kept quiet. I could see the pain in his eyes. I did not want to add to his anguish. He recovered his self possession very soon and smiled. Now I went down on my knees before him and asked his forgiveness for my lack of strength to go on with the retreat. He agreed, although rather reluctantly. His sense of failure was writ large on his face. I was very sorry indeed. I now wished that it would have been better for both of us if Christ had come to me.§

On our way back to the big city where his mission was housed, he became his old normal self again. There was not, a trace of bitterness on his face or in his voice as we talked and joked and discussed several serious and not so serious matters. Now I took my courage in both my hands and asked him my final question: “Father, am I not already a Christian? I do not normally tell a lie. I do not steal. I do not bear false witness. I do not covet my neighbor’s wife or property. What more can a man do to demand God’s grace and kinship with Christ? Why should you insist on a formal conversion which in no way helps me to become better than what I am?” His reply was very positive and it estranged me from the Christian creed for good. He said: “It is an illusion that you can become a Christian if you practice Christian virtues. One cannot claim to be virtuous unless one is baptized in the Church of Christ. He is the only savior. No one outside his fold can claim salvation. The only thing the heathens can look forward to is eternal hell-fire.”§

That evening I had a chat with the librarian in the mission’s library. He was young but looked very sad and far away. His surname was Hindu, but he told me that he had become a Christian a few years ago. He continued, “I fell seriously ill. There was no money in the house. I was earning a small salary and had a wife and two children to support. My relatives were also poor like me and could not help much, what with the cost of medicines and a prescribed diet. It was at this moment that the Father appeared on the scene. I had known him earlier as he frequented our street in search of converts. He brought all the medicines and fruits for me. I was very grateful to him. And one day in a moment of my mental weakness he baptized me. My wife refused to become a Christian. She was an orthodox Hindu. But she did not desert me. After I had regained my health, the Father insisted that my conversion was not complete unless I ate beef. As a Kayastha I was already a nonvegetarian. I saw no harm in eating yet another type of meat. But as soon as my wife learned it, she left with our two children and went away to her father’s place in another town. I went after her. But I was turned out of their house. I have been excommunicated. No one in our community or amongst our relatives will share with me so much as a glass of water. I have nowhere to go. This mission is my refuge till I die.”§

I was reminded of Vivekānanda’s description of Christianity as Churchianity. At the same time I was ashamed of the society to which I belonged. For ages past, this society had perfected the art of losing its limbs, one after another. But what could I do for that young man? I was myself in search of a refuge, in the physical as well as the ideological sense.§

Later I had to leave Calcutta for good and return to Delhi on account of my health. I had spent twelve long years in that great and stormy center of Bengali culture and politics. I had participated in Calcutta’s politics in a way—it was my misfortune that I did not drink equally deep at the fount of Bengali culture which had in the recent past become synonymous with India’s reawakening to her innermost soul. Bengal herself was turning away from that great heritage and towards an imported ideology which was leading her towards spiritual desolation.§

My new job in Delhi gave me a lot of leisure. I could read and think and take stock of my situation as I took long walks along the lonely avenues of New Delhi. But what mattered most was that I could now spend all my evenings with Ram Swarup. I could see that his seeking had taken a decisive turn towards a deeper direction. He was as awake to the social, political and cultural scene in India as ever before. But this vigil had now acquired an entirely new dimension. Political, social and cultural movements were no more clashes or congregations of external forces and intellectual ideas; they had become projections of psychic situations in which the members of a society chose to stay. His judgments had now acquired a depth which I frequently found difficult to fathom.§

Ram Swarup was now spending long hours sitting in meditation. His talks now centered round the Vedas, the Upanishads, the Gītā, the Mahābhārata and the Buddha. He invited me to sit in meditation with him sometimes. I tried off and on. But I was too restless to sit in a single pose for long, close my eyes to the outer world and peep into the void in search of some new perceptions. I had a strong urge to write and pour myself out in strong comments on the current political situation. But who was there to publish what I wrote?§

It was at this time that Sri K. R. Malkani, the soft-spoken and ever-smiling editor of the Organiser, extended the hospitality of his weekly to me. I wrote more or less regularly in the Organiser for several years. One of my long series was devoted to a political biography of Pandit Nehru which ultimately cost me my job. Some friends frowned upon my writing for the Organiser. My invariable reply was that one paid court at the portals of the so-called prestigious papers only if one had nothing to say and if one’s only aspiration was a fat check. I found Sri Malkani to be a very conscientious editor. He never crossed a “t” or dotted an “i” of whatever I wrote, without prior consultation with me.§

I was using my spare time during these three or four years to brush tip my Sanskrit. I made quite a headway because I relinquished the help of Hindi or English translations and broke through some very tough texts with the help of Sanskrit commentaries alone. At last I was able to read the Mahābhārata in its original language. §

In the long evenings I spent with Ram Swarup I compared with him my notes on the Mahābhārata. But Ram Swarup’s way of looking at the Mahābhārata, was quite different. He related it directly to the Vedas. He expounded how the mighty characters of this great epic embodied and made living the spiritual vision of the Vedic seers. What fascinated me still more was Ram Swarup’s exposition of dharma as enunciated in the Mahābhārata. To me, dharma had always been a matter of normative morals, external rules and regulations, do’s and dont’s, enforced on life by an act of will. Now I was made to see dharma as a multidimensional movement of man’s inner law of being, his psychic evolution, his spiritual growth and his spontaneous building of an outer life for himself and the community in which he lived.§

The next thing I did was to read and reread the major works of Sri Aurobindo and discuss his message with Ram Swarup day after day. Sri Aurobindo would have remained an abstract philosopher for me, in spite of all his writings on yoga, had not Ram Swarup explained to me how this seer was the greatest exponent of the Vedic vision in our times. Sri Aurobindo’s message, he told me, was in essence the same old Vedic message, namely, that we are gods in our innermost being and should live the life of gods on this Earth. He made me see what Sri Aurobindo meant by the physical, the vital, the mental and the psychic. He related these terms to the theory of the five kośas in the Upanishads.§

But Sri Aurobindo was not an exponent of Vedic spirituality alone. He was also a poet, a connoisseur, a statesman and a superb sociologist. His Human Cycle was an interpretation of history which placed man’s striving for spiritual perfection in his inner as well as outer life as the prime mover of the world matrix. His Foundations of Indian Culture made me see for the first time that our multifaceted heritage of great spirituality, art, architecture, literature, social principles and political forms sprang from and revolved round a single center. That center was Sanātana Dharma, which was the very soul of India. Sri Aurobindo had made it very clear in his Uttarpara Speech that India rose with the rise of Sanātana Dharma and would die if Sanātana Dharma was allowed to die.§

In my earlier days I had read the biography of Sri Ramakrishna written by Romain Rolland. I had read the talk which Vivekānanda had delivered long ago about “My Master.” I had visited Sri Ramakrishna’s room at Dakshineshwar. I had also seen a Bengali film on his life. But what brought me into an intimate and living contact with this great mystic and bhakta and Śākta and advaitin was his Kathamṛita. He had not used a single abstraction, nor discussed any of the problems which pass as philosophy. His talks embodied expressions of a concrete consciousness which had dropped every trace of the dirt-land dross and inertia which characterize what is known as normal human consciousness. The metaphors which sprang spontaneously from this purified consciousness were matchless in their aptness and illumined in a few words the knotted problems which many voluminous works had failed to solve. I was now having my first intimations of immortality towards which Kabir and Nanak and Sri Garibdas had inclined me earlier.§

The final breakthrough came with the publication of Ram Swarup’s long article, “Buddhism vis-à-vis Hinduism,” in the Organiser sometime in 1959. The Buddha’s parable of the man struck by an arrow and refusing medical aid until a number of his intellectual questions and curiosities were satisfied struck me in my solar plexus, as it were. I had spent a lifetime reveling in intellectual exercises. What was the nature of the universe? What was man’s place in it? Was there a God? Had he created this cosmos? Why had he made such a mess of it? What was the goal of human life? Was man free to pursue that goal? Or was he predetermined and destined and fated for a particular path and towards a particular goal by forces beyond his control? And so on and so forth. It was an endless cerebration. The Buddha had described it as Dṛishṭi-Kantar, the desert of seeking. Ramakrishna had also ridiculed the salt doll of an intellect which had gone out to fathom the great ocean but got dissolved at the very first dip.§

I was now sure that the quality of questions I raised was controlled by the quality of my consciousness. Ram Swarup told me that what we called the normal human consciousness had to be made passive before one could establish contact with another consciousness which held the key to the proper questions and the proper answers. Wrestling with and stirring up the normal consciousness with all sorts of questions and curiosities was the surest way to block the way of a purer and higher consciousness which was always waiting on the threshold.§

I now requested Ram Swarup to initiate me into the art of meditation. He told me that no very elaborate art was involved. I could sit and meditate with him whenever I liked, wait and watch, go within myself as far as I could manage, at any time, dwell on whatever good thoughts got revealed in the process, and the rest would follow. I acted upon his simple instructions with some measure of skepticism in my mind. But in the next few days I could see some results, which encouraged me for a further endeavor.§

One day I meditated on ahiṁsā, which had remained an abstract concept for me so far. After a while I found myself begging forgiveness from all those whom I had hurt by word or deed, or towards whom I had harbored any ill will. It was not an exercise in generalities. Person after person rose into my memory, going back into the distant past and I bowed in repentance before each one of them. Finally I begged forgiveness from Stalin, against whom I had written so much and upon whom I had hurled so many brickbats. The bitterness which had poisoned my life over the long years was swept off my mind in a sudden relaxation of nerves. I felt as if a thousand thorns which had tormented my flesh had been taken out by a master physician without causing the slightest pain. I was in need of no greater assurance that this was the way on which I should walk.§

One day I told Ram Swarup how I had never been able to accept the Devī, either as Sarasvatī or as Lakshmī or as Durgā or as Kālī. He smiled and asked me to meditate on the Devī that day. I tried my best in my own way. Nothing happened for some time. Nothing came my way. My mind was a big blank. But in the next moment the void was filled with a sense of some great presence. I did not see any concrete image. No words were whispered in my ears. Yet the rigidity of a lifetime broke down and disappeared. The Great Mother was beckoning her lost child to go and sit in her lap and feel safe from all fears. We had a gramophone record of Dr. Govind Gopal Mukhopadhyaya’s sonorous stuti to the Devī. As I played it, I prayed to Her.§

There were many more meditations. My progress was not fast; nor did I go far. But I now felt sure that this was the method by which I could rediscover for myself the great truths of which the ancients had spoken in Hindu scriptures. It was not the end of my seeking, which had only started in right earnest. But it was surely the end of my wandering in search of a shore where I could safely anchor my soul and take stock of my situation.§

Ram Swarup warned me very strongly against letting my reflective reason go to sleep under the soporific of inner experience, however deep or steep. This was the trap, he said, into which many a practitioner had fallen and felt sure that they had found the final truth, even when they were far away from the goal.§

The soul’s hunger for absolute Truth, absolute Good, absolute Beauty and absolute Power, I was told, was like the body’s hunger for wholesome food and drink. And that which satisfied this hunger of the human soul, fully and finally, was Sanātana Dharma, true for all times and climes. A votary of Sanātana Dharma did not need an arbitrary exercise of will to put blind faith in a supernatural revelation laid down in a single scripture. He did not need the intermediacy of an historical prophet nor the help of an organized church to attain salvation. Sanātana Dharma called upon its votary to explore his own self in the first instance and see for himself the truths expounded in sacred scriptures. Prophets and churches and scriptures could be aids, but never the substitutes for self-exploration, self-purification and self-transcendence.§

I had come back at last, come back to my spiritual home from which I had wandered away in self-forgetfulness. But this coming back was no atavistic act. On the contrary, it was a reawakening to my ancestral heritage, which was waiting for me all along to lay my claim on its largesses. It was also the heritage of all mankind, as proved by the seers, sages and mystics of many a time and clime. It spoke in different languages to different people. To me it spoke in the language of Hindu spirituality and Hindu culture at their highest. I could not resist its call. I became a Hindu.§

Sita Ram Goel, of Delhi, is a well-known renaissance writer on Hindu issues. He is associated with the Voice of India, a publishing house which guides understanding through enlightening tracts, books and articles. Ram Swarup (1920-1988) was a distinguished social observer, author and spokesman of renascent Hinduism which, he believed, can also help other nations in rediscovering their spiritual roots. His best-known book is The Word as Revelation, Names of God. §

Author’s note: It was with great pleasure that we received Sri Sita Ram Goel at our Hindu monastery on the Garden Island of Kauai in the mid ’80s. His articulate message of strengthening the Hindu renaissance was profound, and his demeanor humble. To have among us a person held in such high esteem by the Indian intellectual community invigorated our many resident swāmīs, yogīs and sādhakas. Sita Ram’s guru, Sri Ram Swarup, had for years been on our team of erudite, insightful writers for our public service, international magazine, HINDUISM TODAY, and his knowledge and insights into the needs of the times, based upon the failures of the past, sanctioned a mini-renaissance among our highly intellectual, Western-educated Indian readers living in America, Europe and Canada. Years later we enjoyed the long-awaited honor of a personal meeting with Ram Swarup when he came to visit me in our hotel in New Delhi in 1995 and spent valuable time with us, speaking on his views of the future of his beloved Sanātana Dharma, now called Hinduism, and the molding of the masses through systematic education meted out in little doses to an open and deserving few who would, in turn, belt it out with authority to those they influenced. He also commented that HINDUISM TODAY is the salvation, the blending together of worldwide seekers who have dedicated themselves to preserve the Sanātana Dharma within their communities. §

Sri Ram Swarup elaborated in a later writing: “Hindu communities are now found in many countries, but with the exception of HINDUISM TODAY, there is no journal dealing with their problems and opportunities. In this respect, this journal is unique. It reveals to us an important face of Hinduism, its international face. Every time one picks up its copy, one becomes aware of Hindus not only in India but also in Fiji, Mauritius, Trinidad, South Africa, Southeast Asia and now also increasingly in Europe and North America. Its pages bring them together so often under the same roof that they begin to feel and live together.”§

Vedic Mysticism Brought Me Into Hinduism

My Soul’s Search Found in Hinduism What it Couldn’t Find in Catholicism, Existentialism and Buddhism. By David Frawley (Pandit Vamadeva Shastri), Excerpts from His Book, “How I Became a Hindu.”

In my case it was not a question of a quick conversion like accepting Jesus as one’s personal savior or surrendering to Allah. Nor was it the result of a concerted effort to convert me by religious preachers speaking of sin or redemption, or of religious intellectuals trying to convince me of the ultimacy of their particular philosophy or theology. It was a personal decision that occurred as the result of a long quest, a finishing touch of an extensive inner search of many years.§

For most people in the West becoming a Hindu resembles joining a tribal religion, a Native American or Native African belief with many gods and strange rituals, rather than converting to a creed or belief of an organized world religion. Discovering Hinduism is something primeval, a contacting of the deeper roots of nature, in which the spirit lies hidden not as an historical creed but as a mysterious and unnameable power. It is not about taking on another monotheistic belief but an entirely different connection with life and consciousness than our Western religions provide us.§

I came to Hindu Dharma after an earlier exploration of Western intellectual thought and world mystical traditions, a long practice of yoga and Vedānta and a deep examination of the Vedas. In the process I came into contact with diverse aspects of Hindu society and with Hindu teachers that few Westerners have access to, taking me far beyond the range of the usual perceptions and misconceptions about the subject. Such direct experience, which was often quite different than what I had expected or was told would be the case, changed my views and brought me to my current position. Hopefully my story can help others change from taking Hinduism as something primitive to understanding the beauty of this great spiritual tradition that may best represent our spiritual heritage as a species.§

I always had a certain mystical sense, going back to early childhood. Whether it was looking at the sky and gazing at the clouds or seeing distant snow covered mountains, I knew in my heart that there was a higher consciousness behind the world. I felt a sacred and wonderful mystery from which we had come and to which we would return after our short sojourn on this strange planet.§

I had trouble reconciling this mystical sense with the idea of religion that I contacted through my Catholic background. Both my parents grew up on dairy farms in the Midwest of the United States (Wisconsin) and came from strong Catholic backgrounds. My mother’s family in particular was quite pious and a pillar of the Church where they lived, following all the Church observances and donating liberally to its causes. One of her brothers was a priest, a missionary in South America, and he was regarded very highly, pursuing a very noble and holy occupation.§

The figure of Jesus on the cross that we saw during mass was rather gruesome and unpleasant. One didn’t want to look at it. We were told that we had all killed Jesus. We were responsible for his death by our sins, which were terrible in the eyes of God. But then I never knew Jesus and since he lived two thousand years ago, how could my actions have affected him? I could never really relate to the image of the sacrificed savior who saves us, we who cannot save ourselves. I also began to notice that we all have our personal failings, including the nuns that taught us who had evident tempers and not much patience. The whole thing didn’t seem to be as God given as we were told it was.§

At the age of fifteen I had a remarkable school teacher who taught a class on ancient history that opened my eyes about the ancient world. This began my fascination with ancient cultures that eventually led me to the Vedas. I sensed that the ancients had a better connection to the universe than we moderns and that their lives had a higher meaning.§

About the age of sixteen I underwent a major intellectual awakening. It came as a powerful experience that radically changed my thoughts and perception. Initially it was quite disturbing and disorienting. While some sort of intellectual ferment had been developing in me for several years, this one resulted in a profound break from the authorities and ideas of my childhood and the vestiges of my American education. It initiated a series of studies that encompassed Western intellectual thought and first brought me in contact with Eastern spirituality. It marked an important transition in my life. Throughout this intellectual revolt I never lost sight of a higher reality. I fancied myself to be a “mystical atheist” because though I rejected the Biblical idea of a personal God, I did recognize an impersonal consciousness or pure being behind the universe.§

The law of karma and the process of rebirth that I had learned about through Eastern philosophy made more sense to me than such Christian teachings. After reading a number of different scriptures and spiritual texts from all over the world, the Christian fixation on Jesus seemed almost neurotic. It was clear to me that there have been many great sages throughout history and Jesus, however great, was only one of many and that his teachings were not the best preserved either. I failed to see what was so unique about him or what his teachings had that could not be found with more clarity elsewhere. The mystic feeling I once had in Christianity was now entirely transferred to the East.§

At the beginning of 1970 in Denver I found a local guru who introduced me to many spiritual teachings. While in retrospect he was limited in his insights, he did serve as a catalyst to connect me with the spiritual path. Through the encounter with various spiritual teachings that he initiated, I took to the yogic path as my main pursuit in life. He made me familiar with a broad array of mystical teachings: Hindu, Buddhist, Theosophist and Sufi. It included everything from occult teachings of Alice Bailey to Zen, and a prominent place for the teachings of Gurdjieff. I learned that a core of inner teachings existed behind the outer religious traditions of the world, an esoteric approach beyond their exoteric forms.§

At this time I discovered the Upanishads, in which I found great inspiration, and it became my favorite book. It led me to various Vedāntic texts. I soon studied the works of Śaṅkarāchārya, which I avidly read in translation, particularly his shorter works, like Viveka Chūḍāmaṇi. Of the different teachings that I contacted Vedānta struck the deepest cord. I remember once climbing a hill by Denver with a friend. When we got to the top, I had the feeling that I was immortal, that the Self in me was not limited by birth and death and had lived many lives before. Such Vedāntic insights seemed natural, but the friend who was with me at the time didn’t understand what I was talking about.§

With my philosophical bent of mind I also studied several Buddhist sūtras, especially the Laṅkāvatāra, which I found to be intellectually profound. The Buddhist sūtras helped serve as a bridge between the Existentialism that I had studied earlier and Eastern meditation traditions. As I encountered these teachings at a young age before my mind had become fixed, I had the benefit of an almost Eastern education to complement my Western studies.§

My study of Eastern traditions was not merely intellectual but involved experimenting with yogic and meditational practices. I began practicing intense prāṇāyāma, mantra and meditation teachings in the summer of 1970. These mainly came from the kriyā yoga tradition, which I contacted in several ways. I found that the techniques worked powerfully to create energy at a subtle level. I could feel the prāṇa moving through the nāḍīs, with some experiences of the chakras, and a general widening of consciousness beyond the ordinary sense of time and space. Mantra practices had a particularly powerful effect upon me. I felt that I had been some old Hindu yogī in a previous life, though in retrospect there was probably much fantasy in my approach. Another benefit from the prāṇāyāma was that it almost eliminated the allergies that I had suffered from for years. It cleared and cleaned my nervous system. I learned that yogic practices can heal both body and mind.§

For a while I went back and forth between Buddhist and Vedāntic perspectives. The intellectuality of Buddhism appealed to me, while the idealism of Vedānta was equally impelling. Buddhist logic had a subtlety that went beyond words and the Buddhist understanding of the mind had a depth that was extraordinary, dwarfing that of Western Psychology. But Vedānta had a sense of Pure Being and Consciousness that was more in harmony with my deeper mystical urges. It reflected the soul and its perennial aspiration for the Divine that seemed obvious to me.§

I felt the need of a cosmic creator such as Buddhism did not have. It was not the old monotheistic tyrant with his heaven and hell, but the wise and loving Divine Father and Mother, such as in the Hindu figures of Śiva and Pārvatī. I also found the existence of the ātman or higher Self to be self-evident. That all is the Self appeared to be the most self-evident truth of existence. The Buddhist non-ego approach made sense as a rejection of the lower or false Self but I saw no need to dismiss the Self altogether as many Buddhists do. §

Among the spiritual teachers whose writings I studied, most notable in terms of my own thought and expression, was Sri Aurobindo. Aurobindo possessed an intellectual breadth that was unparalleled by any author I had ever read. One could swim in the field of his mind like a whale in the open sea and never encounter any limits. He dwarfed the Western intellectuals that I studied and even the Western mystics. Relative to Indian teachers, his teaching was clear, modern, liberal and poetic, not tainted by caste, authority or dogma. Aurobindo’s vision encompassed the past, revealing the mysteries of the ancient world that I had long sought. But it showed the way to the future as well, with a balanced and universal vision of humanity for all time.§

I studied a number of Aurobindo’s works, notably the Life Divine, which unraveled all the secrets of the philosophies of India from Vedānta to Sāṁkhya, yoga and tantra. In it I noted the various verses from the Ṛig Veda that he used to open the chapters. I found these to be quite profound and mysterious and wanted to learn more of the Vedas. In looking through the titles of Sri Aurobindo, a book called Hymns to the Mystic Fire, which was hymns to Agni from the Ṛig Veda, struck a cord with my poetic vision. It led me to another book, Secret of the Veda, which more specifically explained the Vedic teaching and opened up the Vedic vision for me.§

At that time I became a Vedic person, not simply a Vedāntin. While becoming a Vedāntin was the first level of my inner change, becoming Vedic was the second stage. These two transitions overlapped to a great degree. I followed the Vedas in the context of Vedānta. But later a more specific Vedic vision emerged and came to dominate over the Vedantic view. It brought a wider and more integral Vedānta and one that connected with poetry and mantra.§

Then in summer of 1978 my Vedic work, which would dominate the rest of my life, first emerged. I was inspired by some inner energy to write a set of poems about the ancient dawns and the ancient suns that directed me back to the Vedas. I decided to study the Vedas in depth in the original Sanskrit. I wanted to directly confirm if Sri Aurobindo’s view was correct that the Vedas did have a deeper spiritual and Vedāntic meaning. I had studied a Sanskrit through the years and already had Sanskrit texts of the Vedas and Upanishads to start with.§

Along a parallel line I had taken up the study of Vedic astrology. I first studied astrology in Ojai in the early seventies, which with a Theosophical center had good resources on the subject. I also discovered a few good books on Vedic astrology. I practiced Western astrology for several years, using Vedic astrology as a sidelight, but gradually shifted over to the Vedic system. Along with my āyurvedic work in the mid-eighties I focused on Vedic astrology, introducing classes and courses in it as well, starting with āyurveda students. With āyurveda and Vedic astrology I discovered a practical usage of Vedic knowledge that was relevant to everyone. The gap between my Vedic work and my actual career began to disappear. My Vedic work and my livelihood became interrelated. I focused on āyurveda and Vedic astrology for a few years and put my Vedic pursuits temporarily in the background.§

My first trip to India occurred as part of my pursuit of āyurveda. It involved visiting āyurvedic schools and companies in Bombay and Nagpur, and sightseeing to other parts of the country. I also had two important visits of a spiritual nature, first to Pondicherry and the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, and second to the Ramanashram in nearby Tiruvannamalai, a pattern that was repeated in future visits to the country.§

I came to the Ramanashram to contact Ramana and his path of Self-inquiry, which is a method to experience the non-dual state of pure awareness. What I actually discovered was the God Skanda, the child of fire, who demanded purification, death and spiritual rebirth. I encountered one of the Gods, not as a devotional or cultural image but as a primordial and awesome power. Ramana came to me through Lord Skanda, the son of Śiva, with whom Ganapati Muni identified him. I came to understand Ramana as Lord Skanda, the embodiment of the flame of knowledge.§

Coming into Tiruvannamalai I felt the presence of a tremendous spiritual fire, which also had, in its more benefic moments, the face of a young boy. The image of a small boy carrying a spear, rising out of a fire, kept arising in my mind. This brought about an intense practice of Self-inquiry that was literally like death, though it was the ego’s death, not that of the body. Going through that fire was perhaps the most intense spiritual experience of my life, to the point that I had at time to pray that it would not become too strong! Yet afterwards I felt refreshed and cleansed, with a purity of perception that was extraordinary.§

Up to that point I had a limited understanding of the role of Deities in spiritual practice, I had almost no knowledge of Lord Skanda, though He is a popular Deity in South India and one sees His picture everywhere. I had not yet grasped the depth of His connection with Ramana. So I was shocked to come into a direct contact with such an entity, not as a mere fantasy but as a concrete and vivid inner experience penetrating to the core of my being. That the process of Self-inquiry, which starts out as a philosophical practice, could be aligned to a Deity in which my personality was swallowed up, was not something that I had noted in any teachings.§

In time I learned much about both Skanda and Ramana. Skanda is the incarnation of the power of direct insight. He is the Self that is born of Self-inquiry, which is like a fire, the inner child born of the death of the ego on the cremation pyre of meditation. This child represents the innocent mind, free of ulterior motives, which alone can destroy all the demons, our negative conditionings, with His spear of discrimination beyond the fluctuations of the mind. Coming to Tiruvannamalai was an experience of that inner fire (tejas) which is Skanda and Ramana.§

I felt Lord Skanda most keenly at the great temple of Arunachaleśvara in the nearby town. Initially the experience of the temple was more important for me than the experience of the ashram. Arunachaleśvara temple still holds the vibration of Ramana, who was its child, where he stayed and practiced tapas when young and unknown. The temple has its own divine presence that has nourished many great sages and yogīs.§

One day at the temple I decided to purchase a statue to take back home for my altar. I found a small statue of Lord Skanda, which I bought and put into my napsack. One of the brahmin priests in the temple noted my acquisition and asked for the statue, which I gave to him. He took my hand and led me through the temple, doing the pūjā to the main Deities. He started with the Devī temple and then to the Śivaliṅga and finally to the Skanda temple. My statue was placed on all these mūrtis and was consecrated as part of the pūjās. It was as if I myself was reborn as Skanda during these rites.§

On my first trip to India I met an individual who would have a decisive influence on my life and thought. He would serve as my mentor for introducing me into Hindu thinking and to Hindu issues in India today. Dr. B.L. Vashta was an āyurvedic doctor working on product development for an āyurvedic company in Bombay. It was in that context in which I met him. He was then about seventy years of age, or about the age of my father.§

In 1991 Dr. Vashta raised the idea that I formally become a Hindu. I thought, Why not? I have been following this tradition for twenty years and working with it had become my main spiritual path and career dedication. I thought about the many Hindus that have become Christians following the allure of the affluent West. The example of a Christian becoming a Hindu would be good for many Hindus and would encourage confidence in their own traditions.§

Why shouldn’t I express my appreciation and make a more formal connection with Hindu Dharma? Personally, I am not much for formality and generally avoid ceremony or any kind of outer displays. But it didn’t take much forethought to go ahead with this important project. It was also a way to create a new identity for myself that reflected the changes that I had gone through internally. Dr. Vashta told me that I was already a Hindu inwardly and so an outward ceremony wasn’t necessary, but that the gesture would be appreciated by the community. I understood. The ceremony was called śuddhi, which means purification. It was short and simple, a ritual pūjā, a kumbhābhishekam. It was held at a local Mumbai ashram, Masurāshram that had once been connected to the Arya Samaj but in time became more traditionally Hindu. No preaching. No condemnation. No threats or promises. No swearing to go to a particular church or follow a prescribed path of action, just a promise to follow dharma.§

While Vashta organized the event, Avadhuta Shastri, the head of Masurashram, performed the pūjā. His brother, Brahmachari Vishwanath, was one of the founders of the VHP. I took the name Vamadeva from the Vedic ṛishi Vamadeva Gautama. Shastri came from Avadhuta Shastri. Vamadeva was a name of Indra, the supreme Vedic God, particularly as a falcon (śyena). It was also a name of Savitar, the Sun God, who dispensed his grace or beauty (vāma). Vamadeva later became a name of Lord Śiva in His northern face. So it was an important and powerful name, and one that few people carried. By this ceremony I was accepted into Hindu society as a brahmin by my occupation. I realized that I was a kind of kshatriya as well, a warrior, at least on the intellectual plane, addressing not only religious but also social and political issues.§

Pandit Vamadeva Shastri, a.k.a. David Frawley, is a Vedāchārya and Director of the American Insitute of Vedic Studies in Santa Fe, New Mexico. He is also a well-known author on āyurveda and Vedic astrology.§